San Diego Versus Oakland Week 1: What This Charger Fan Expects

I should be coming at you with the full flavor of a football fan deprived of violence for the last nine months.

I should be going on about this being the 50 Year Anniversary of the San Diego Chargers and how we're opening up against another AFL original, The Hapless Oakland Raiders.

I should be clamoring for stellar offensive line play, the kind that opens holes so big, LT could drive more than a Segue through 'em. My focus should be on the efficiency of an offense that is all too often lauded as the most talented in the league but finds itself three-and-out, with too great of frequency.

I should also mention the defense and the sort of commotion I pray to see tonight from a Buddy Ryan schooled coordinator, in one Ron Rivera. Rivera has led this unit for nearly a calendar year and ALL Charger fans want to witness havoc via pressure and aggression. I could also mention that at games' end I really want to believe.......to believe that the 2009 edition of the San Diego Chargers are here for hardware. Vince's hardware.

These are all things, from a technical standpoint, that I should want to see.....

But all I really want to see is an absolute drubbing of the Oakland Raiders, the sort of destruction capable of producing prose in tomorrow's headlines.

Because when that happens I'll take that headline and slide it right under the windshield wiper of my neighbor. A neighbor who I've never seen by sight but a neighbor I know all too well: big lifted, 'I clearly have a small c*ck', silver Chevy with a cab window glorifying an obscenely large Raider decal and a license plate frame proclaiming membership in 'The Raider Nation'. I have never seen this neighbor. His monstrosity of a truck just sits there in a prime parking space, each and every day.....pregnant women, people with heaps of groceries and the elderly be damned!

I will take that headline and put it under that mother fu*cker's windshield as a giant 'F*CK YOU!', for the last nine months of parking injustice and failed assimilation into the culture of San Diego. Raiders?!!!

I will scrawl an epithet beneath the headline and it will read as follows:

I hope you've enjoyed that parking space you no good sum-a- b*tch!
Sincerely
12 Wins In-A-Row At The Hands Of The San Diego Chargers

EDITOR'S NOTE:
I am not angry, merely bothered by unregulated parking