Dear Patriot Tears: Zoolander, Ace Ventura, and Tom Brady

Came across this Tweet, saw that it was in regards to the QB known as Zoolander and decided a little research was in order. I had heard that Tom Brady was on the cover of Details so I figured this quote was from that feature and I could probably get the context as well as some images showcasing Blue Steel, Ferrari, and Le Tigre. I was right.

Back to the quote...

There's nothing wrong with not being artistic but where does the ability to read factor into right brain functioning? The act of reading itself does not constitute the act of creating, Tom. Additionally, how does a graduate of the University of Michigan not describe himself as a reader of some sort? Well I guess he's a reader he's just not a "great" reader. Surely the fine publication of Details will shed some light......uh-oh.....Le Tigre alert....

I don't think it's an act of jealousy or a case of hating on Tom Brady to suggest that these pictures are synonymous with the festive nature of Christmas (think about it). Where is this guy's head?

So the pictures are bad but what about the context of the original quote? Oh it's soooooo much worse! The author of the Boston Globe article describes Brady as being "downright philosophical" in the Detail's interview and I couldn't agree more. Brady's words and ideas were cloaked in existential reflection so much so that it brought Jean Paul Sartre's Being & Nothingness to mind. Taste for yourself: from the September issue of Details:

“Maybe my creativity comes out a little when I dress,’’ he says. “I’m not a very creative person, you know? I’m not really an art person. I’m not a great reader or writer or artist or musician. Hopefully I encourage my teammates, a little bit, to get their wives and girlfriends excited when they walk through the door.’’

You've got to be kidding me. Encouraging your teammates to get their wives excited when they walk through the door.....by inspiring style and fashion?

Not only do Brady's words conjure the ideas of Sartre and Kant but even more so the words of Ace Ventura:

Finkle&Einhorn, Finkle&Einhorne, Finkle&Einhorn,

Finkle is Einhorne, Einhorne is a Man!...
Oh my god...Einhorn is a man!!!!

Now say that real fast but substitute the names Brady/Zoolander/Woman.

(Go ahead and fast forward to 1:10----Knowledge of The Crying Game makes this scene infinitely more funny).

I think this scene, in some ways, encapsulates how I feel about Tom Brady. I suppose if he was winning San Diego Super Bowls I could live with his radical metro-sexuality but in the meantime I'll take Phillip Rivers and his conservative Alabama tendencies.

Go to the below article at the Boston Globe and read the comments, very entertaining.
Tom Brady's got a lot on his mind [Boston Globe]

Editor's Note:
If you want to berate me for being "jealous of Tom Brady's life" and for Actin' like a Hatin' Fool, I'll be the guy at the bar wearing a t-shirt, jeans, flip-flops and drinking a beer. I am not inspired by Tom's innate fashion sense.