Padres Win Streak Ends; We go To Lake Elsinore to See The Storm

The Padres lost yesterday but took the series....on the road in Cincinnati. Can't really argue with that result although perhaps the strongest part of our team (the bullpen) coughed up what could have been a road sweep. Can't win 'em all.

I didn't get to watch the game but instead tried to experience it via MLB.com's "Game Day" tracker as well as communications through Twitter and the Gaslamp Ball open thread. The Game Day tracker is NO substitute for watching on television. I wasn't trying to be experimental; just forced to get some work done in an undisclosed location that lacked access to Channel 4. I did not get work done.... but I did make an observation or two. Proceed...

• Clayton Richard needs to start working on economy with his pitch count in a bad way. In the 5th inning he threw 8 pitches to the final batter he faced coupled with 9 pick-off attempts to 1B....all in the course of ONE BATTER! He was working way too hard. He got out of the jam but finished the inning with about 90 pitches. I figured he was done. Bud ran him out there for the 6th though and he promptly gave up the gopher ball to Scott Rolen. Richard ended up leaving the game with a chance to get the win after surrendering 3 runs. (click "Read More" to continue)

• Now I rant about bullet point #1. C'mon Bud!? Clayton Richard was done. Go right to the bullpen to start the 6th inning. Look, there's no bigger proponent of getting your starting pitcher through at least 7 innings than me.....heck, mix in a complete game every once in a while and conserve that valuable bullpen. I just thought it was the wrong move at the time and then Scott Rolen ran around the bases.
• A lot of people are saying that the Padres are playing over their heads right now and they are in some respects. However I think that we would be remiss not to mention that their collective hitting has been underwhelming thus far. Headley and Gonzalez have been great and Venable has been timely here and there but for the most part guys have been hitting below (I believe) their capabilities.
• So yea......they're in first place. No complaints really. Fun stuff.

So I finished listening to the game on the drive up to Lake Elsinore yesterday. The Diamond in Lake Elsinore is cool little place to see a game. Very intimate. You feel like you're right there, on top of the field, plus you get to see the Padres of the future play. You feel very invested. Some observations:

• Talk about a DEAL !!! A doubleheader for under $10 bucks!
• 2007 1st round pick Nick Schmidt didn't look that sharp. He really only had one rough inning (yielded a hit parade) but on the whole, I wasn't impressed.
• Farmer John hot dogs are an encased meat product of the highest order.
• 2008 1st round pick Alan Dykstra didn't look that sharp either although he did have one hit. I can't say I expected too much though, considering his current ranking among Padres prospects.
• What you save on a cheap, $9 buck seat, you'll more than likely give back in the souvenir shop. A hat with the eyes of a storm on it? That's an easy sell!

• Kids named Vince Belnome and Yefri Carvajal hit HRs. They were bombs.
• When your 3 year old gets tired of her seat and insists on moving to an area that gives free reign to kids hopped up on sugar, you have the opportunity to do it. Down the RF line there's a great grass area to sit and play (pssst....you can also walk right up to the opposition's bullpen and get in the ear of the relievers.....I didn't do it but I'm just sayin', you could.....all friendly bantering of course; they're just kids, for Pete's sake!).

Your Padres and Mariners of the future...and some little kid

• There was a kid named Denny Almonte who played for the High Desert Mavericks. A few years back when the Oceanside Little League played in the WS didn't they get beat by a a Bronx team that eventually forfeited because of an illegally aged player......named DANNY Almonte? Maybe I'll research it.....
• Manager Carlos Lezcano got tossed in the 6th inning of game 1 on a bad call at 2B. Lezcano also coaches 3B so when he arrived to argue he was wearing a protective batter's helmet. Part of his theatrics while getting tossed included him bouncing his helmet of of the turf......take a look at the picture......pretty good distance, huh (it's the black speck behind the mound)?

• Playing against the High Desert Mavericks is a great way to properly cultivate hatred for the Seattle Mariners, our vaunted and loathed inter-league rival. The Dodgers get the Angels and the Yankees get the Mets but the hatred there is nothing compared to Padres versus Mariners each summer! What, you ask? Very little negativity towards the Mariners? Well then, I say.......get yourself up north to catch some High A minor league baseball.....a place where you can properly develop your Mariner loathing each time High Desert visits.
• Bummer. The Storm lost the 7 inning affair 4-2.

• Go there. It is fun.

In Case Of Emergency Use Stairs

There was no emergency last night (hey! We're on a winning streak!) but Matt Stairs still got the start.

When I saw the starting line-up in the afternoon I figured he must have had HUGE numbers against Reds starter Bronson Arroyo (only 2-4 actually) for Bud Black to sacrifice so much defense. Not that big of an advantage for Stairs but the band box ball park probably had a lot to do with the spot start; a good location to get Stairs some confidence with his swing.

Let's look at the reality of the situation more closely.  Matt Stairs was brought to San Diego for two reasons only: pinch hitting and to DH during inter-league games this summer.  He was not brought here to get that many starts at 1B or in the OF.  Defense is simply not one of his assets. So just how bad is Matt Stairs defense? I'm not quite sure but here's how Baseball Prospectus qualified it as I flipped through their 2010 annual last evening:

"With absolutely no defensive ability, his days as an effective bench weapon are over, but the threat of the long ball from his Ruthian swings is likely to merit a bench spot somewhere...."

ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSIVE ABILITY!!! Such condemnation of Matt Stairs' shortcomings.....I laughed out loud when I read it. No matter. God Bless Kevin Correia. The Padres destroyed the Reds in game 1, 10-4, to remain in first place. Their winning streak stands at 7 and their record is 10-6. Matt Stairs' defense was not required on Friday night.

NOTES:
*BTW--Stairs went 1-4 with a 2 run 2B.
** I didn't see how Stairs did in LF. I only saw the game when the Padres were scoring. When I realized Correia was no-hitting the Reds going into the 6th I decided to give this game my full attention. I was then notified that the timeless musical Annie was going to be started.....due to previous promises and all. On an evening where the 1st no-hitter in franchise history might have been thrown??? Absolutely not! I was not going to let Annie become my "Heidi game" so I protested until I got my way. The females of the house relented......and then Correia promptly surrendered a 2B. 'Twas Annie on a Friday night ....
***"In Case Of Emergency Use Stairs" was a T-shirt printed in Philadelphia when he was a more productive pinch hitter. Good stuff.

The 1st place hoopla is nice but there's something even better

Most fans are excited about the Padres being in first place heading to Cincinnati for a three game series this weekend. How could you not be? I also think that part of the allure of our current spot in the standings seems a heck of a lot different than the early first place position the Padres held during the 2009 season. People recognize that there is a difference..... a big difference. But what is this difference, precisely?

Over at Gaslamp Ball a nice piece was written on whether or not certain players were playing "over their heads" and if they would simply regress to the mean over the course of the season. The article had merit, without doubt, but it is not necessarily the standout reason (in my opinion) for why the Padres have been so successful thus far. The following quotes from a February Q&A between the Union Tribune's Bill Center and San Diego Padres owner Jeff Moorad provides some valuable insights:

Bill Center: Since you took over, discussions about the dimensions of Petco Park seem to have quieted. Do you see any changes being made while your team is in charge and are you happy with the ballpark’s dynamics and structure?

Jeff Moorad: Jed Hoyer talked about using the dimensions of Petco as a strategic advantage since the day I first met him. He talked of how the Red Sox used Fenway Park as a home-field advantage and had a .680 winning percentage there, with only a .500 or so record on the road. We will continue to focus on athleticism, speed, and pitching in putting the club together and use the ballpark to our advantage.

The above comments from Jeff Moorad are not uncommon themes from this last off-season. We've heard the same sentiments from the mouth of GM Jed Hoyer as well and ultimately the Padres FO wisely decided to use Petco to their advantage*(click "Read More" to continue). 

The consensus appears to be: continue to have strong starting pitching and a sturdy bullpen but supplement it with guys who chase balls down on defense and who can use their speed to pressure teams on the base paths. To aid in a switch to this philosophy they brought in former Padre Dave Roberts to teach the nuances of base-running (he's the guy who got the most important stolen base in the history of the Boston Red Sox). Has it worked? You be the judge.

The Padres are 2-4 away from Petco where they had a miserable time on the base-paths and they're 7-2 at home where they executed hit and runs, a suicide squeeze, and stole 15/16 bases. A correlation? I think so.

In the above quote, Moorad mentioned Hoyer's assertion that tailoring the Red Sox to play in Fenway yielded a .680 winning percentage at home which must have worked...... a couple World Series titles were delivered during that stretch**. While I'm no expert in math I can definitely calculate that a 7-2 mark in Petco is.......well it's over .700. Feel free to calculate to precision on your own.....I'm cool with anything tantamount to a .700 winning percentage.

* I had been mulling this post over in my head for a few days and wouldn't you know that Tim Sullivan at the UT wrote a similarly themed article which was published around midnight last night. I'll be damned if I'm going to scrap anything I wrote, especially after searching for the above quote for God knows how long!
** I am in no way suggesting that the Padres are going to the World Series this year. Future, yes. 2010, no.

The San Diego Padres Pitcher Formerly Known As Jon Garland

It's no secret that one of the most prevalent criticisms, 15 games into the 2010 schedule, is that Padres starting pitcher Jon Garland works at about the same pace that molasses pours from a jar.

It has been noticed and commented on ad nauseam. It is a fair criticism of Garland but one that may have gone unnoticed had he, as the one big winter FA pick-up, gotten off to a better start this April (0-2).

With Garland slated to pitch earlier this afternoon and a winter rain storm sent to San Diego from the Alaskans, I provided an obvious quip via twitter:

I claim no originality in making a statement regarding Jon Garland's pitching "process"....a process that references the original "Human Rain Delay", Mike Hargrove. In fact it was so unoriginal that I'm sure there were multiples of fans who had made the same allusion before and after I had done so this afternoon. Which brings us to the crux of this post: what should Jon Garland's nickname be? (click "Read More" to continue)



While the moniker, "The Human Rain Delay", has made its way into the Urban Dictionary it was previously attributed to former Cleveland Indian and one time Padre, Mike Hargrove, for his antics inside the batters box. The descriptor eventually attached itself to pitcher Steve Trachsel* for his deliberate mound presence. How could we in good conscience designate Jon Garland with a nickname as used up as (____fill in the blank with your rude epithet of choice____)? The answer is that we can't......

While others refer to Mr. Garland as Judy, Avenging Jack Murphy shall forevermore refer to him as:

"THE MIKE HARGROVE"

The Mike Hargrove pitched an outstanding game today......according to the box score......sorry I missed the game**. The Mike Hargrove was credited with the win after throwing 92 pitches in 7 complete innings. The Padres are in sole possession of 1st place (9-6) after sweeping both Arizona and San Francisco and I couldn't be happier to see them taking full advantage of their home park. All the credit today however goes to Jed Hoyer's one big off-season signing.......The Mike Hargrove.

* Steve Trachsel was an a-hole! I remember when he pitched for the Cubs and gave up HR #62 to Mark McGwire. I recall him griping that a fan didn't deserve to cash in on the reward that would have accompanied possession of the historic shot and that he was glad it barely cleared the wall out of the reach of St Louis' fans. Cool move, guy.
** As I did not see the game I can neither confirm nor deny if The Mike Hargrove put any of his defenders to sleep with his on-the-mound-lolly-gagging.

The Padres win despite only hitting one single. What would the NFL's version be of such random, offensive, ineptitude?

This evening, the San Diego Padres managed something that has only been accomplished by three other teams since 1920: they won a game despite only producing three walks and one base-hit of offense.

This begs the obvious question: did one of the walks score on the base-hit? Look.....that is not only the most obvious but also the most boring question that could be posited by an inquiring mind (the answer is no). The real question we need answered: what is the football equivalent to the game the Padres just played? Fortune shines upon you!!! After intense deliberations..... I have the answer you seek.

What spells futility better than winning a game by a margin of 2-0? Has it ever happened? Don't know, don't care. The margin of victory by a safety stands out as a clear-cut call but there is an inherent problem with it; a safety is a defensive score! To use this as an equivalent would just cheat the Padres offense of the recognition it deserves. No, the safety just won't do...

Kick it up a notch, then! 3-0! Death by Field Goal!

Nah....While it's an isolated score similar to a single run crossing the plate, it just fails in my opinion, to capture the proper futility of knocking a solitary hit and then stealing the win.

The NFL equivalent that best sums up such offensive, yet victorious, futility......(click "read more" to continue)

The Drop Goal. I said it.....the Drop Goal. Winning 3-0.....by Drop Goal. Yes, like in Rugby Union. Oh yea, you can do those in the NFL too. Here's the thing, though....only one has been slotted in (approx.) the last seventy years.....similar to the infrequency of getting a win via one hit and three walks. Here's the evidence.....with a nice little San Diego connection in Doug Flutie......finishing out his career playing for the New England Patriots:

Proof positive that there is more than one way to split the uprights*, earn yourself 3 points, and gracefully match the offensive woes presented by the San Diego Padres on April 20th, 2010.....who once again, won the game to move into a 1st place tie with the San Francisco Giants. It's early, I know.

*MEMO
TO: Nate Keading
FROM: A-hole Chargers Fan
RE: Alternative methods to scoring 3 points
The playoffs have been difficult for you Nate; especially against the New York Jets. Allow us to recommend abandoning the place holder and just going to a straight drop kick. Flutie made it look pretty easy. One-up your Padre brethren in 2010!

Great Moments in 2010: The Padres Climb to .500 and I discuss the game I attended on Friday

After 12 games and a nice little sweep of the visiting D-Backs of Hell on Earth, Arizona, the Padres are perfectly average (6-6) with the first place Gigantes (8-4) of San Francisco coming to town.

I believe we are nicely positioned to rise above the .500 mark tonight with the Giants' Matt Cain on the hill. He's a fantastic pitcher but he's all hard luck versus San Diego. My optimism runneth over...

[UPDATE: I began writing this in the afternoon. Matt Cain got no run support this evening. Padres won. They are above .500. I WAS RIGHT!!!]

I mentioned, in an earlier post, that I wanted to discuss the "fan experience". Since I attended Friday night's "Chase Headley Walk-Off-Win Bonanza" I figured I'd address that "fan experience" now. The  items up for discussion are as follows:

• OBSTRUCTED VIEW SEATS: People who complain about obstructed seats are, in general, a useless lot. When constructing a park where the objective is to get the fans close to the action and you've included a historic brick building into the park, you run the risk of cutting off some viewing angles. Get used to it, crybabies! Having qualified my opinion on people who cry about obstructions, let me say that sitting in Field Pavilion Section 124 SUCKS!!! Can't see the Jumbo and difficult to track all of the other boards simply because I'm not used to it. The 2B by Eck in the 9th required me to jump out of my seat and run down the aisle to see if it cleared the LF's head....it did. I then craned my neck to see the replay. It was nice. I was locked into these seats because I was with a group so there was little I could do about the view but in the future I'll be sure to grab a better seat. I advise you do the same..... or at least keep your mouth shut about those obstructed view seats (click below to continue reading).

• DIRECTIVES FORM THE SCOREBOARD: Seriously, stop telling me to make noise. I know when I should be standing and clapping. I also know when I should just be standing in anticipation. Just because you have fancy graphics doesn't mean you need to use them. I'll try to tell fans when to make noise.....kinda like when you're teaching someone to play Blackjack because you don't want them to take the dealer's bust card and ruin everyone's night. It'll be just like a hand of Blackjack except no money will change hands......
• GAME DAY PROGRAMS: Ooops! Because I was required to socialize at the game in question I didn't dive into the program.....and I forgot it there! Crap! But it was free, small and will allegedly be given away at every game. Dope!
• UN-INFORMED UNIFORMED FOOD STAND PERSONNEL: It came to that point in the game where I needed to switch from cold to hot beverages and boy did those in uniform have a difficult time directing me. I was told to go see a person who then directed me across the way to another who then looked to her partner for guidance.....who then sent me to the appropriate stand. Need a flow chart for that? If I had time I'd make one......since I don't..... PLEASE GET THIS FIXED, MR. GARFINKEL! Every employee should know EXACTLY where all concessions are located. In customer service it's simply not good enough to say "I don't know." Or in this case, to keep sending someone down the line, in hopes that  they find what they're looking for. I'm done sounding like grumpy old man.
• YOUNG PLAYERS GETTING IT DONE: When ever young, home-grown players contribute to a win, it's a recipe for a great "fan experience".
• FIREWORKS: They were cool.

Loved being at the park this weekend. Hope I can get out once more before Beer Fest on April 30th.

Not bad for my first game of the year....

GAME 10 (4-6)
Thank you, Chase Headley. That was a nice way to win a game. The first 6 innings were a wash but the final third was solid.

After reflecting on the game....it would probably make the most sense to just read Geoff's thoughts over at Ducksnorts....otherwise I'd be ripping him off.

I do have thoughts on the game experience which I'll post later but in the meantime get yourself geared up for the indomitable Kris Benson who will try to stop the Padres' winning streak.....at 1! It's not happening you freaky starting pitcher!

Corey Brock [padres.com]
[Box Score]

Since I missed yesterday's game.....

Game 9 (3-6)
I know the Padres lost. I know Mat Latos gave up a dong in the 1st. I know Jayson Heyward, is by all accounts, an impressive ball player. I know the roller coaster ride is in progress........on yea, I also know it was retro day at the park and that #42 was really giving it to the ump. The ubiquitous #42....

So I was thinking the other night about baseball cliches. Not specifically the laundry list bestowed upon Nuke Laloosh by Crash Davis but instead, some of the common phrases I've heard early in the 2010 season. I'm really tired of hearing/using the following phrases:

"A small sample size." Translation:

• "It's early in the year! Keep your pants on fella!!!" It's accurate but I've grown very tired of it. 

"It is what it is." The most overused cliche in San Diego, courtesy of Chargers GM, AJ Smith. This has a few translations:

• "I refuse to go into more detail."
• "Accept it!"
• "Go F*ck yourself! I'm done talking."
• "You know the answer, F*ckface! Do I need to spell it out for you."

It's really the "sample size" one that gets me though. No sh*t! The season is 162 games long and we're only 9 in.........of course we shouldn't suggest that anyone is on a 103 HR pace! The sample size is too small! And I really need to stop jocking Chase Headley and his success at the plate via his rate of strikeouts. The "sample size" is too small you idiot! Whatever. It is what it is.

Feel free to drop the cliche that grates on you most into the comment section.
Corey Brock [padres.com]
[Box Score]

The Great Roller Coaster

Game 8 (3-5)
After a 6-1 loss to Atlanta Braves, this is where I regurgitate profound thoughts that I shared via Twitter last night and season them with new but extremely brief comments (AKA--taking the easy way out).

I think that the first two games of the 2010 home stand have encapsulated what I believe will be the Padres season: a great roller-coaster ride! Whether it will be like the Giant Dipper coaster at Mission Beach with its 1920s constructed whiplash producing effects or more akin to the Viper at Magic Mountain with its stomach turning loops, all we can be certain of is the guaranteed ups and downs (click below to continue reading).

The Padres went from 17 runs where they could do no wrong, to the receiving end of a dominating performance by Braves starter, Tommy Hanson. Padres batters struck out 11 times last night. This inconsistent, roller coaster effect, is the hallmark of young teams: see the 2010 San Diego Padres. There will be fun. There will be frustration. There will be blood. Well, there probably won't be blood.....but There Will Be Blood is a Daniel Day-Lewis performance I've sadly missed. Where's the time to catch-up on those Oscar worthy movies in the midst of a 162 game slate? I digress...

Clayton Richard pitched all right. Was cruising and then gave up 3 runs. Yielded to the bull pen and another 3 runs were surrendered when Carlsbad's Troy Glaus launched a 3 run bomb. Consolation prizes? In high school I hit a walk-off grand slam against Troy Glaus when he was pitching for Carlsbad. That really isn't a consolation of any sort but an opportunity for me to toot my own horn. Sorry. Glory days and all....

Mujica and Gallagher pitched the last seven outs of the game, six of which were strikeouts. This gave cause to hearken back to words of wisdom from Kevin Costner's Crash Davis:

"Strikeouts are boring. Besides that they're fascist. Mix in a groundball." 

True that, Crash! True that. If you're looking to fire the ball past everyone, you risk letting your fielders fall asleep (and they'll ultimately resent your placement on the far right of the political spectrum)........and when fastball hit......fastball go far. Think about that Mr. Gallagher. Troy Glaus did.

Chase Headley struck out 3 times. So much for me lauding his stellar K/PA ratio. It happens, the ups and the downs. The roller coaster of inconsistent youth.

Mat Latos v. Tim Hudson. 3:30 start time. Retro day!

Corey Brock [padres.com]
[Box Score]

Dick Enberg Analysis: and on the Seventh Day we discussed.....well, Dick Enberg, of course

Ahhhh......an off day. Let's talk about Mr. Dick Enberg.

I know there are some people who are simply asking themselves, "God, why-oh-God, why?"

To that I say, "Why not?" 

Let's not skirt around the fact that Mark Grant has been in the booth for an epoch but has also had different company for three consecutive seasons. The consensus seems to be immeasurable love for Vasgersian, callous indifference towards Mark Neeley and ( fill-in-the-blank ) regarding Dick Enberg. Our purpose is to fill in the blank after one week......because that's all it really takes to make an assessment, right?

I'm down with Dick Enberg so far. He's got a great voice. He knows baseball despite not having done it in a while. He's brought an aura of professionalism to the booth and I think that this has made Mark Grant better. I'm not suggesting that Mud was unprofessional but I do think he has toned down on some of the things he had done under "previous administrations". I like that they're both wearing suits.....I don't know why......maybe it reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. Dick Enberg appears to have a passion for the game and that, in and of itself, should be good enough for me: almost, good enough......(click below to continue reading)

Points of Improvement/Criticisms:

• Dick Enberg seems to know the opposition's names better than the Padres players. I know many of the fans I have discussed this with on Twitter have made the complaint of him butchering names (i.e Blanks/BANKS Everth Cabrera/EFRIM Cabrera). Here are my thoughts on that: it seems impossible to get the names right for the opposition but not the home nine.....so......I think this seasoned vet is actually quite nervous and as a result prone to gaffes. Listen to the next time he says a Braves player's name; it'll be smooth and without effort. Then listen to the next time he needs to call a Padre player's name; there is a protracted pause where you can tell he is thinking in an effort not to make a GAFFE. Loosen up Dick and trust your instincts. It is my belief that Dick Enberg will have this sorted out in about a month's time and due to this belief I have decided to give him free reign to destroy as many names as he sees fit until May 7th or 8th. At that time he will be held to a higher standard....a standard of excellence, demonstrated daily, by information outlets like this one right here.
• Here's the biggest problem and it may not be correctable due to Dick Enberg's age. I mentioned last week that he really blew a HR call that was to my aged and questionable eye,  a real no-doubter. In yesterday's home opener Adrian Gonzalez hit a kangaroo-hop ground-rule 2B that Dick thought was a HR. It wasn't even close. From the press box to the cavernous left center of Petco Park there exists a vast distance......one which may require the use of eye glasses. I personally feel that the endeavor of blogging (gazing into a computer monitor) is currently decreasing my vision in increments of hours rather than years and I can only imagine where my vision will be when I'm 75. I hope these are just simple mistakes and not a result of age. One Hundred and Fifty-Five games will surely tell.

"Touch 'em All" and "Oh My!!!" are cool with me although I sometimes feel like I'm watching Grid Iron or Wimbledon with the latter call. Overall, I like what I've heard and in the end, as I've said before, as long as the broadcast isn't an absolute travesty/sham/mockery similar to the XX1090 Bleacher Bums program, I'll make it through any game any day.

Leave your comments in the bin. Cheers

Game 7: The Running of the Padres

Today the Padres scored 17 runs in the home opener.

The Braves scored 2 runs.

That's a win.

An account of the win? Glad you asked.

Is there a better way to describe the degree to which the floodgates opened in today's thrashing of the Atlanta Braves than the video below (click below to continue reading)?

Eh, the video isn't that great. It would have been better if the music was Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner......so why don't we do that........go ahead and open another tab so you have Avenging Jack Murphy opened twice and then click this link [here].  By clicking said link you will be directed to a video......but we're only going here for the purpose of getting the audio.......once you have clicked play return to the tab opened to Avenging Jack Murphy and play the embedded video above. Now it'll be really cool, giving it an apocalyptic feel similar to the hellfire that rained down on Petco Park today.

I'll keep this brief as I've already spent too much time syncing up Pomplona, Spain and the Mekong Delta:

• We scored 17 runs after struggling mightily over the last few days. This was nice to see. It was noted by Dick/Mud/Tony Sr. that the Padres looked as though they were taking an entirely different approach at the plate, hence the success. Perhaps. Is it also a possibility that Jair Jurrjens and Jo-Jo Reyes were ineffectively wild? It's easy to lay off when a pitcher is missing the zone in a real bad way, as were both of those Braves hurlers. Either way, you have to give credit to the Padres hitters because they took full advantage of their opportunities.
• Kevin Correia looked great. I'm sure it was difficult to get in a rhythm with the bottom of the innings lasting so long. He got the win and I was happy to see a hometown guy get the honor of starting the opener.

• The talk of today's game will be of the near-cycles hit by both Will Venable and Kyle Blanks so let's just get it on the record for posterity: after 40 years of cycle futility we will see one hit this season. My money is on Venable but I have no doubt that Everth Cabrera and Kyle Blanks both have it in them as well.
• Still loving the work that Chase Headley is doing (2 for 4 with a 2B and no Ks). Good stuff.
• Will Venable is heating up and turning into the RBI guy. 
• Everth Cabrera is struggling. Let us not forget, he's still young.
• I wish I could say more about Braves phenom Jayson Heyward......but that game was about San Diego all afternoon long.
• The Padres are 3-4.

A comment: Why weren't fans standing when Venable came to the plate with his first opportunity at the cycle? Pretty weak. Or was I just getting a bad angle on the TV? You tell me...

[EDITOR'S NOTE 10:45 AM]
***Friend of the Blog, Matthew, astutely points out that the 17 runs scored by the Padres were in fact ordained by Providence when it was decided that Philip Rivers (#17) would throw out the first pitch. Avenging Jack Murphy knew this detail but excluded it from the game recap on account of being a lollygagger and general shirker of duties. Cheers Matt.

Corey Brock [padres.com]
[Box Score]

Game 6: Padres lose game, series, and......the ability to make contact?

Today's game was a 4-2 defeat to the Rockies. Road misery thus endeth.

What's there to even say about this game?

• It doesn't seem to matter who gets penciled into the 1 and 2 holes of the line-up card. ALL fail miserably and equally. Everth Cabrera had two really nice ABs to start the day but in the end he only had strikeouts to show for the effort. He probably helped to nudge Ubaldo Jimenez out of the game a bit sooner but he didn't set the table for the rest of the team.
• Didn't matter if the table was set because all anyone did today was strikeout. A lot of Ks. All day long. All week long.
• Chase Headley gets the + for the week (see below).
• John Garland is.......well, he's just John Garland. He's in need of the dog food diet. Petco. Is that not funny? Fine......(click below to read more)

So week one ends and the Padres are in last place with a 2-4 record. Before the season began I made predictions and one of those was that the Padres would finish the season with 83 wins. This was a bold statement. The prediction however was made with the following caveats in mind:

1. The Padres would get off to a fast start (uhhh...that didn't happen!)
2. The team would enjoy a healthy season (uhhh...Chris Young is already on the DL!)

I'm not going to abandon all hope for this simple reason: look at who/where they played. The Padres have been absolutely miserable playing in Arizona over the years and many of the pundits picked Colorado as the class of the division. The Padres faced two tough aces in Dan Harren and Ubaldo Jimenez and were dealt the results most would have probably figured.

So what were realistic expectations for week one? I think to have finished at 3-3 would have been solid but instead we were a notch below at 2-4. We were in games but failed to cash in on opportunities...... and there were a lot of strikeouts. The team is young and struggle and pain are to be expected. Want growth? Everyone is striking out except Chase Headley: 2 Ks in 27 plate appearances. The others will begin to get it at some point.

Corey Brock [padres.com]
[Box Score]

Game 5: It did not go 22 Innings because David Eckstein is a blur (seriously....look at the picture)

Last night's game only went 14 innings and the good news is that the Padres got the win, 5-4. The Bad news for me wass that the game ran too late to get in a movie. Who cares, the movie probably would have sucked anyways. On to the game.....

THE GOOD
They're 2-3 instead of 1-4. Sounds better. Looks better.

Chase Headley: Headley went 3 for 5 with two walks last night and finished with a season OPS of .954. Not bad. But here's what has really stood out to me about Chase after 5 games: (granted, it's a very small sample size) he's only struck out twice in 5 games. Now when he struck out swinging in the 8th last night it put a small crimp in the overall direction of where I was going with the numbers but there is still quanitative improvement:

• In 2008 Headley struck out once every 3.5 plate appearances.
• In 2009 Headley struck out once every 4.6 plate appearances.
• In 2010 Headley strikes out once every 11.5 plate appearances and if he hadn't gone fishin' in the 8th it would have been once every 23 plate appearances. Ahhh, ifs and buts..... (click below to continue reading)

Like I said; it's a very small sample size but encouraging none the less. Chase is looking very comfortable at the plate.

Bullpen: The Bullpen was stellar last night. They went 8 innings with only 2 hits allowed. Cesar Ramos did a nice job in his lefty match-up role as did Gregorson, Mujica, and Adams. Then came Tim Stauffer to get 3 innings of relief work followed by Heath Bell's save. Having an effective 'pen is nice.

THE BAD AND THE UGLY (we'll roll 'em into one because I honestly can't discern between the two after last night)

Top of the order: Last week I read a good article at the Friar Forecast  which discussed how Padres' manager Bud Black is doing a poor job of optimizing his line-up. According to findings cited by Friar Forecast it makes the most sense to have a high OBP player hitting lead-off, followed by the team's best hitter in the 2 slot, preferably a player who also has a high OBP (see the link for rationales). Let's look at the first two spots in last night's line-up as week 1 comes to a close:

1. Tony Gwynn Jr. .231 OBP (that is NOT a high on base percentage)
2. David Eckstein  .105 OBP (clearly NOT the best hitter on team nor does he have a high OBP)

Those numbers are both Bad and Ugly. It should first be noted that those two have not been in those roles for every game but they have had a majority of the starts in those respective positions. It should also be noted that they've only played 5 games so the sample size is very small. Tony Gwynn Jr. and David Ecskstein however, do have track records......and they do not indicate a change coming any time soon. When you have guys with numbers that look like that setting the table, you're in for a lot of 14 inning affairs. So if you could look into that Bud, I'd appreciate it......14 inning games adversely affect my movie night.

Other bad/ugly type things:

• Blanks: He's hitting .158 but he did have a couple hits last night including a double.
• Venable: He's hitting .167. He did have a three run triple......but he finished 1 for 7 w/10 LOB.
• Base running: Gwynn was picked off second and Todd Hundley was picked on the "fake-throw-to third-wheel-to first" move. I have NEVER seen that work in MLB but apparently it has. Channel 4 reminded us that the last Padre to get picked in that scenario was........Ruben Rivera. Remember him? No? That's because he sucked.
• Latos: Gave up 3 HRs. But when you throw hard, ball go far when hit! Pitched nice enough in his first start. Got a ND and limited to 84 pitches. Forget Joba, these are The Latos Rules.

Corey Brock's Article [padres.com]
 [Box Score]

Rubber game at 12:10 pm today.

Game 4: So here's what I know.....

Not much!

Its Friday and the game started at 1:10.

1:10 pm!!??

When do Friday games ever start at 1:10? So I missed essentially all of the game aside from a few ABs on the game tracker. Perhaps you are in the same boat as I? Allow me to share with you the basics and then we'll turn to the experts for their analysis:

• The Padres lost 7-0.
• They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.......hey, you and I are in a boat too! Very few hits coupled with many Ks gives cause for the imbalanced of mind to hit panic switch.
• Clayton Richard looked pretty good. He tossed 7 innings and gave up 3 runs. Why do you think he got the starring role in the above picture?
• Sean Gallagher looked poor (and by "looked" poor I mean to say "that's what I've heard"). 1 inning and 4 Ernies. Sounds like a smashed watermelon.*

This isn't good enough so I shall provide more. Here's an article by Corey Brock and if you want to see the shear brutality in the form of a box score go ahead and pain yourself. This information is all well and good but what we really need in order to get a handle on the situation are the opinions of the UT comment posters. When they see a record of 1-3 with 158 left to play it's like blood in the water and they go for the kill......and by "go for the kill" I mean that they proclaim doomsday to have arrived. Damn Mayan comment posters! Let us begin.....


What say the proponents of reason?

Panic Button [check]. Pushed [check]. Insert AAA reference [check] Spell abbreviated form of"Jesus" with a "G" [check]. Proceed with 158 more games so I can continue to bitch.

Are people being facetious when they make this suggestion? I actually believe that they believe that this a viable option. Adding 35,000 more seats to house a Chargers game would be like moving an old building a short distance just so it could be incorporated into the structure of a new ball park.......uh, bad example. You get what I'm saying.

Hey, Hondo! There's over 155 games to go! I'm not even counting the 5 games from our eventual wild card appearance. I was joking about the latter statement but the former is straight up truth. I just examined the schedule and we actually have 158 games to go.

I couldn't resist making another bet after reading the Union Tribune online. Chill out people. The season is long. Save your crazy for mid June.
* I don't get smashed fruit as funny. Sorry I linked to it. My bad.

The Dick Enberg Analysis: "Touch 'em all"

Notified that the latent/blatant jokes surrounding our announcer's name were a bit middle school*, I've decided to be a bit more formal with our analysis and refer to it as "The Dick Enberg Analysis".

It was mentioned in last night's post that Mr. Enberg butchered the home run call for Kelly Johnson to lead off the game. If you listen to the audio you will hear Enberg missing the call badly but he's not the first to do it. I think I can recall, as a little kid, hearing Harry Carey consume enough beers that some of his calls became pretty dicey. He was a Cub fan and a Bud man.

"Touch 'em all"
I like that as a Home Run call. Simple. Effective. Accurate. Does not overwhelm the achievement of the batter. Dare I say, a step up from.......


SANTA MARIA!!!!!

Our Twitter pal, @sportsmatters disagrees wholeheartedly regarding "Touch 'em all"! He says he'll "lose it" listening to variations of Enberg's signature call. We'll be on suicide watch for @sportsmatters here at Avenging Jack Murphy.

"The Warning Path"
Mike at Padres Trail took exception to this call levied by Enberg on a fly out to the warning track. An antiquated reference or an awkward misstep? Neither one of us know. What say you?

Props for Mr. Enberg
Mr. Enberg seems to have taken considerable control in the booth and Mud Grant is clearly deferring to the broadcast legend. To begin the 7th inning last night, however, their timing was flawless as Mud emerged from the shadows and pointed to how critical it would be for Kevin Correia to locate with a mounting pitch count. As Mud warned that not locating would result in "serious trouble", D-Backs CF Chris Young launched a HR. Good work in the booth, fellas.

Many who I've questioned say they enjoy Dick Enberg. These Padre fans often describe listening to him to be "a treat". He does have a pleasant voice.

I'll continue to keep an eye on the duo's progress for no other reason than......why not!?! If you notice something that is particularly vexing or some indication of impending greatness, give a comment or two. If you decide to click the "crap" box......you should support your opinion...... with a comment or two.

*Being lumped in with middle schoolers and their uncritical minds is the sort of insult that gives cause for evaluation. These youngsters, after all, are given to uncontrollable laughter when they are notified that they have certain responsibilities, obligations, and........duties....... to fulfill......
Hehehehe [high pitched laughter].....he said doody......Hehehehe
 No lie.
 In that vain, we'll do our best to keep it clean. We will not allow this blog to devolve into the single cell organism laden sludge from whence it came.

Game 3: Padres Drop Series to D-backs...Hey it's early!

What's there to say?

Since the opponent was Arizona it was incumbent upon former Diamondback, Scott Hairston, to hit a 3-run HR. MASHING; it's just what he does against his former employer. Alas, it was the Arizona club that hit 3 HRs, propelling them to a 5-3 victory over our Padres.

SP Kevin Correia gave up his 3rd blast of the game to start off the 7th, against Chris Young which broke up a 3-3 tie. Prior to the pitch that Young smashed to left-center, Mud Grant made an astute piece of commentary (and I'm probably paraphrasing):

"So it's the 6th inning and Kevin is beginning to tire so it's critical that he LOCATE (emphasis mine) his pitches, or he'll be in serious trouble!"

Mr. Correia did not not LOCATE his next pitch and it may still be flying as I type and you read. This is a difficult one......why even throw a strike to Chris Young? The dude has a giant hole in his bat. He crushes meat balls and misses everything else. So, the question: is this the Kevin Correia of 2009 or the one that existed prior to the year he got himself a big raise? Hey it's early!

Hey it's early will be the phrase we use for the next three weeks or so. It will be unusable after April 28th.

• We had 1 hit against an AZ bullpen that worked 4 innings. Hey it's early!

• David Eckstein is hitting a scrappy .125. Hey it's early!

• Kyle Blanks struck out four times last night. Hey it's early!

• Sean Gallagher had a nice pick off at first! Hey its early (uttered by AZ fans)!

Memo to Kyle Blanks: Sombreros (gold, silver, platinum, etc) are unbecoming on you. Take it off!!!

My overall assessment of a series loss in Phoenix.......Hey it's early!

[BOX SCORE]
It is Thursday.....our day of rest. Next up: Colorado Rockies.

Dick Analysis: A new segment tracking Padres announcer Dick Enberg

I've never looked at the announcers of baseball games as being that integral to my viewing experience.

I recall not being a huge fan of Matt Vasgersian at the beginning of his Padre tenure but that he gradually grew on me over time. When Mark Neeley took over for Matty the difference was noticeable in that there was not a lot of chemistry between he and new partner, Mark Grant. This was too be expected; new partners breakin' each other in and all. As the season progressed I began to like Neeley but at the conclusion of the season Chanel 4 saw fit to take advantage of an available hall-of-fame broadcaster in Dick Enberg who actually had a great desire to call baseball again. So here we are....



With a segment called, Dick Analysis.

Last night while viewing game 2, I noticed some things in the broadcast, that weren't so much concerns as much as general observations of a new broadcast team. I shared these observations on Twitter and a couple of fellow fans (@matthewverygood and @sportsmatters) made mention of some of the things that they had noticed and BOOM......Dick Analysis was born!

• Mud has been wearing a suit just like his Hall of Fame partner, Mr. Dick Enberg. Will this very formal attire eventually stifle the goofiness of Mudcat Grant? I hope not because I like Mud's quirky pop culture diffusion throughout the broadcast. I know there are people who do not share this view. In any case, Mud seems to be acting a lot more "professionally".
• Mud definitely knows he's second billing to Enberg. I wonder how their chemistry will progress through out the season?
• When Dick is ready to say a player's name the pause before the name is pretty accentuated.....as though he is not as familiar with the players as he should be. Hey, he just started doin' baseball again, what can I expect!?! I'm just curious to see how long it takes him to gain that familiarity that the hometown announcer should have.
• I'm typing this in the first inning of game 3 and D-Backs lead-off hitter Kelly Johnson just crushed an HR to dead CF. Dick called it as though there were sure to be a carom off the wall......there was not.....it did not sound good.
• When will I stop feeling like I'm watching a football game?

My intent is not to bust Dick's balls, to turn a phrase. It is merely to track his progress and to see him make a successful transition from football back to baseball. I wish him the best of luck. So far I enjoy his enthusiasm and his smooooooth voice. Keep at it, Dick.

Feel free to share your observations on Dick's broadcast......if you don't this segment will DIE!!!

Game 2: The last time I saw Chris Young pitch I tried to break Wade Boggs' record for beers consumed on a trip

Hey, the Padres won 6-3, placing them on the statistical fast track to an 81-81 season. That's .500 ball in the vernacular of the National Past Time.

Chris Young looked fantastic, which brings me to........ the last time I saw him play.

My buddy Al and I decided to go up to Anaheim to see the Padres play last summer during the inter-league schedule. Thought it would be good stuff as we'd never been to the Big A before and it would be an opportunity to ride the train, which is never dull. At that time the ol' legend of Wade Boggs' drinking prowess had crept forward from the recesses of my mind......you know the  legend don't you? It's been estimated by teammates of Wade Boggs that he had drank more than 50 cans of Miller Lite on a cross country commute to Seattle. Al and I figured we'd give the Chicken man a run for his money.......didn't work out that well........just had to pee a lot. What does this have to do with game #2 in 2010? Well....



That particular game was the last time that Chris Young had taken the mound before being sidelined for the duration of 2009. Let me tell you, CY was horrific. Just terrible. Had never seen him pitch so poorly and frankly I wanted a refund......from CY!!! I thought he should have paid me for the disgrace and my time and effort. After I found out his shoulder was injured in a bad way, about 64% of me felt like a d*ck.

Anyways.....he looked awesome tonight, and that's what matters. When you can bamboozle batters with an 86 mph fastball, the Gods are on your side. Padres. God. Was there any question? Let us move on.....

I've been jocking Everth Cabrera hard. He's "the straw that stirs the drink" and any other bit of hyperbole I can toss at the kid. But was I right? He goes 3 for 4 with a 2B, 3B, SB and 4 RBI. Hey, Bud Black! ECab should be hitting leadoff not eighth.

Chase Headley is looking good at the plate. He was 2 for 4 when he crushed a looooooong F8 in the 9th. I'm encouraged.

I have also jocked Will Venable in a big way......and he hit his first homerun.

Adrian Gonzalez is on a torrid pace after hitting his second home run in as many games. I suck at math sometimes......what's his current pace?
[Box Score]

Game 1: Don't Push The Panic Button Yet.......wait 'til tomorrow

 I didn't even get to watch the game today.

I checked the tracker in the 2nd inning to see the Padres facing a quick 2 run deficit. I caught a sneak peek during a meeting to see us down by four and then re-opened my laptop at the ol' desk to see us down 6-zip. By the time I was on the drive home it was the top of the 9th and we were on the ugly side of a  6-1 drubbing. I vowed to keep the game on to listen to Uncle Ted call the 9th (something I rarely get to do) but also to see some late inning guts on display. Sure enough Adrian Gonzalez and Kyle Blanks popped back-to-back HRs and then the game ended on a Chase Headley line-out. From the post-game on XX1090 it sounded like Chase had a nice game, an early throwing error not withstanding.

Why do a write-up on a game I didn't even see? Because opening day is fun! Fun, in that, a Padres loss brings out a multitude of morons who begin claiming all is lost and the team will be lucky to win 61 games. It happened last year after I attended the opener (a horrible loss to the Dodgers) and then opened up  the UT the next today. The Padres were cooked, readers protested. Then the '09 edition won 9 of their next 11 games and readers were singing hosannas for our Friars. You get the point, don't you?

 One game does not make a season and UT readers/commenters can be effin-crazy!

How crazy? Well let's go to the UT and get some comment snapshots (click below to continue):

E-A-R-T-quake? I guess yesterday's 7.2 shook more than a few buildings. I would assume, that with a User Name like that, you were shaken by mother nature's wrath.......but after reading your thoughts......"161 more LOSSES".....nah, that doesn't qualify as rational thought.....although your math looks reputable, so you've got that goin' for you.

As of yet, Babakazoo has not responded to my offer. Can you blame him? It would be a bet of catastrophic idiocy. The 2010 team, on paper, is much better than the 2009 team which happened to stumble upon 75 wins. Now there's no guarantees that the Padres will match that total but to only win 61 games would be an epic failure.....something this team doesn't have in it......I don't think......email me Babakazoo.......avengingjackmurphy@hotmail.com.

Look......Dan Harren is a bona fide staff #1while Jon Garland is more like a #3.....what do you expect?

I'm not condemning the commenters on the UT but some of them are just crazy. Don't push the panic button yet.....wait 'til tomorrow.
[Box Score]

2010 MLB Predictions: Where I discredit myself by going on the record

These are my predictions for 2010 over at the Baseball Bloggers Alliance. I've thought about these predictions in excruciating detail and in October, I'll either sing my own praises and rub it in the faces of all who'll listen...... or I'll retroactively delete the post.
Let's go.....

NL West

1. Dodgers
2. Giants (Wild Card)
3. Padres (83 wins)
4. Rockies
5. D-Backs

(I probably effed this up by undervaluing the Rockies and overvaluing the Dodgers. However I stand by my assertion that the Padres will win 83 games and finish in 3rd place....and that's all that matters!)

NL Central

1. Cardinals
2. Brewers
3. Cubs
4. Astros
5. Reds
6. Pirates

(As sure as the sun sets in the west and checks to the IRS  are being cut in mass around this time, the Cardinals will win the central behind another powerful year by their man-purse carrying first baseman. That's right.....I've said it before....I'll say it again.....Albert Pujols carries a purse. I've seen it.)



NL East

1. Phillies
2. Braves
3. Mets
4. Marlins
5. Nationals

(Do you want to know why the Phillies will win both the NL East and the World Series? They're good. Next prediction....)

AL West

1. Angels
2. Rangers
3. Mariners
4. A's

(The Angels always win it, c'mon now. Know why? Their manager was a catcher. Catchers are smarter than the rest of  us.)

AL Central

1. White Sox
2. Tigers
3. Twins
4. Indians
5. Royals

(The White Sox are pretty loaded. Of course, Jake Peavy will probably come down with an ailment of some sort, thus damaging the Southside's hopes.)

AL East

1. Yankees
2. Red Sox (Wild Card)
3. Rays
4. Blue Jays
5. Orioles

(With the deep pockets in the AL East I feel sorry for the fans of the bottom three teams [see: fans who don't have annoying accents].....except the Orioles.....I feel sorry for their fans because their owner is an idiot.)

World Series
Philadelphia Phillies defeat the New York Yankees in 6 games
(Phillies, yes! Yankees, no! Screw the Yankees. See..... fans on the West Coast don't carry a regional bias like the eastern media elites. I included to eastern seaboard teams. A lot more integrity in these parts!)


Rookies of the Year
Brian Matusz AL (Orioles)
Stephen Strasburg NL (Nationals)
 (I'm going to be honest......these guys both played college ball in San Diego so I know they are good....I know they are rookies.....I haven't paid attention to the teams back east so closely that I would know their rookies......I'm going with who I know..........Do I have to edit that whole "integrity" bit?)

Managers of the Year
Mike Scioscia AL (Angels)
Charlie Manuel NL (Phillies)
(Easy! Phillies are winning the series so the nod to Manuel and Mike Scioscia wins the AL West again with a team that doesn't have the resources of the Yankees.....although I just Googled it and the Angels' payroll is pretty high. Why can't San Diego replicate that? Man....!!!)


CY Young
Jake Peavy AL (White Sox)
Roy Halladay NL (Phillies)
(I've always thought that if Jake Peavy had a nice offense, one in which he did not feel as though he needed to be perfect every time out, he could do GREAT things on the mound. I think we'll see it this year. It should also be noted that the AL has a DH so the Sox won't have to fret over Jake tearing ankle ligaments running the bases......which is nice. With Halladay......well you can't win a WS without a big gun. Roy Halladay will eat up the NL this season)


Relief Award
Mariano Rivera AL (Yankees)
Heath Bell NL (Padres)
 (Rivera will have a lot of opportunities and Heath Bell will be even more efficient than last year.)

MVP
Mark Teixeira AL (Yankees)

Chase Utley NL (Phillies)
(A comfortable-in-the-Bronx Teixera will destroy that silly little bandbox of a park. Utley will do the same in his bandbox to the south.)


Do we need to even bother watching the games, now? I did the heavy lifting for you so feel free to begin a new hobby in lieu of watching baseball this summer. I'd go with surfing or a martial art. Your choice.

MLB Network's "30 Clubs in 30 Days": Padres Coverage Uncovers A New Theory About Closers As Analysts

I saw the Padres featured last night on the MLB Network's "30 Clubs in 30 Days" but there was no volume and I was drinking beers. I recorded the replay at 11 pm and I now sit down to discern the following:

1. What is it, that idiot savant baseball people like Mitch Williams*, think about our beloved Friars?
2. Is Hazel Mae hot or does she just come across as palatable wearing bright yellow in the Arizona spring heat?

PLAY BALL....I mean DVR!

"We're gonna keep on being optimistic on this Padres edition of 30 In 30." -Hazel Mae
 Hazel Mae made this comment to the studio after a positive player profile. The show probably should have been turned off right here!!!! A comment like that shows that they (MLB Network)  believe there is a lack of realism in their assessment of the Padres chances in 2010 and that they're just sellin' sunshine. What they don't know......there's REAL reason to be optimistic.


"Western Division Sleeper"
Describing the Padres as a sleeper delivers connotations of hope and I guess selling anything other than "hope" by MLB would be bad business. The Padres are like Butler University.

Dan Plesac sounds like a cartoon or a video game.......or like the computer voice of Joshua in the early '80s film, War Games.......or one of the guys from Bill Swerski's Super Fan
 The War Games reference speaks more to the cadence and rhythm of his speech which I find as annoying as the pesky computer simulation that nearly initiated WWIII. Or........this may be my way of suggesting, I do not entirely "buy" Dan Plesac as an analyst. Dan Plesac was a closer and it should be noted that, generally, their breed is not distinguished by their intelligence. They go in, fire fastballs and then pump their fist. Gross stereotype? Turn on the MLB Network and be the judge for yourself.....I think Dan Plesac makes a case for my theory. He gets points for having mentioned the San Diego Chicken, though.

You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit. See: Mitch Williams
If it walks like a duck.....it's probably a duck. Enough of the euphemisms, you get the point. All we really need to know is that Mitch Williams had a mullet during the 1993 World Series. Brian Bozworth had his mullet back in 1985. Boz was ahead of his time with his hair.....he was an innovator.....Mitch Williams on the other hand, dragged the style into the 1990s which was just irrational decision making. What would you expect from a Closer, though? Just because MLB cut his hair and put glasses on him doesn't make him an analyst. Kyle Farnsworth bespectacled himself and he's still a meat-head.

On Adrian Gonzalez Trade Rumors
"I'm the only idiot that thinks he's stayin''"-Mitch Williams. Mitch Williams is at least 50% correct in that statement.

We outscored the Pirates by 2 runs in 2009!!
An interesting statistic is presented. We were 15th in NL runs scored in 2009. If Everth Cabrera hadn't hit that walk-off grand slam in late August, (or was it September?) the Padres could have had sole possession of 16th place.....whatever.....I preferred the walk-off.

Jed Hoyer is wearing the new military logo style polo shirt in his interview
Since this blog has been described as a place to get fashion tips I'll go ahead and lament the not-so-subtle reminder that the Padres will look like the Star Spangled Banner long before they ever go back to mustard and brown.

I call Bullshit on their Line-up projection. Gwynn 1 and Cabrera 8?
Because.....that's total B.S.! Flip flop it!

Hazel Mae Side profile : Outstanding really
I often forget that I have the MLB Network so I am not all that familiar with Hazel Mae's body of work. Avenging Jack Murphy gives a seal of approval to at least part of her "body of work".

Wow...the Padres were in 1st place for 9 days last year
More interesting stats configured into a chart. We did get off to a nice start last year, didn't we? Expect the same this year. Mark it!

Heath Bell fat jokes by Mitch Williams
I can't really say that they were fat jokes but Williams did seem concerned about HB's weight yet no mention of Heath's Wii fitness regimen. That's just neglectful journalism.

Dan Plesac: Minor league "Expert"
 The "Closer" talked about 2009 #1 pick Donavan Tate. TOO EASY! Anyone can do that.....I'd rather hear about the accomplishments of our vaunted #1 pick of 2008. He did talk about Jaff Dacker.....points for not saying he possesses a John Kruk type body, although he insinuated it.

They sure showed a lot of Tony Gwynn Jr.
They sure showed a lot of Tony Gwynn Jr........

What have I learned this morning? The MLB Network sells hope, Hazel Mae has a nice complexion as well as side profile, and former MLB Closers are not adept enough to serve as analysts. Closers aren't actually even pitchers.....they're throwers....dim witted lummoxes.  Get some catchers on the panel, MLB!

 *Idiot Savant designation: Mitch Williams is 99.9 % idiot and .1% savant. He achieves savant status due to a creative delivery to home plate.