The San Diego Padres Pitcher Formerly Known As Jon Garland

It's no secret that one of the most prevalent criticisms, 15 games into the 2010 schedule, is that Padres starting pitcher Jon Garland works at about the same pace that molasses pours from a jar.

It has been noticed and commented on ad nauseam. It is a fair criticism of Garland but one that may have gone unnoticed had he, as the one big winter FA pick-up, gotten off to a better start this April (0-2).

With Garland slated to pitch earlier this afternoon and a winter rain storm sent to San Diego from the Alaskans, I provided an obvious quip via twitter:

I claim no originality in making a statement regarding Jon Garland's pitching "process"....a process that references the original "Human Rain Delay", Mike Hargrove. In fact it was so unoriginal that I'm sure there were multiples of fans who had made the same allusion before and after I had done so this afternoon. Which brings us to the crux of this post: what should Jon Garland's nickname be? (click "Read More" to continue)



While the moniker, "The Human Rain Delay", has made its way into the Urban Dictionary it was previously attributed to former Cleveland Indian and one time Padre, Mike Hargrove, for his antics inside the batters box. The descriptor eventually attached itself to pitcher Steve Trachsel* for his deliberate mound presence. How could we in good conscience designate Jon Garland with a nickname as used up as (____fill in the blank with your rude epithet of choice____)? The answer is that we can't......

While others refer to Mr. Garland as Judy, Avenging Jack Murphy shall forevermore refer to him as:

"THE MIKE HARGROVE"

The Mike Hargrove pitched an outstanding game today......according to the box score......sorry I missed the game**. The Mike Hargrove was credited with the win after throwing 92 pitches in 7 complete innings. The Padres are in sole possession of 1st place (9-6) after sweeping both Arizona and San Francisco and I couldn't be happier to see them taking full advantage of their home park. All the credit today however goes to Jed Hoyer's one big off-season signing.......The Mike Hargrove.

* Steve Trachsel was an a-hole! I remember when he pitched for the Cubs and gave up HR #62 to Mark McGwire. I recall him griping that a fan didn't deserve to cash in on the reward that would have accompanied possession of the historic shot and that he was glad it barely cleared the wall out of the reach of St Louis' fans. Cool move, guy.
** As I did not see the game I can neither confirm nor deny if The Mike Hargrove put any of his defenders to sleep with his on-the-mound-lolly-gagging.