The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. And Four. And Five. And Six. Officially, this is Reason Seven.
Opening day in 2011 was awesome. The celebration of baseball's return from a long winter*. But under the advice of Tony Gwynn I chose to also attend the second game of 2011. I dubbed this particular game The Gwynn Opener -- the game attended by fans who aren't consumed by the spectacle that is opening day.
*We don't really have winter in San Diego, relatively speaking. It's more like wummer which is some occasional rain and wind interspersed with beautiful days of sunshine. It's wummer.
Last season's Gwynn Opener was absolutely brutal. Padres fans dissipated after the celebration of Opening Day and I was left to watch the game with a preponderance of drunk-with-championship Giants fans. The Padres also got hammered as Tim Lincecum pitched a gem.
The game was miserable but I have unabashedly included it as one of the 19 reasons that the season was awesome. Why? Because hopefully I've started a tradition of attending both Opening Day and The Gwynn Opener.
What's in store for those who attend The Gwynn Opener in 2012? Purely distilled misery.
This season the Padres get the Dodgers in the opening series and we all know how much Dodgers fans hate Los Angeles and jump at every opportunity to make the sojourn to San Diego.
It is with a fair amount of certainty that I say Padres fans will at least be matched in attendance by our illegitimate Californian brethren form the north. But this game should still be attended, for it is . . . The Gwynn Opener*!
*And if the Padres win the game there's nothing quite like seeing Dodgers fans scurry out of PETCO with their tail between their legs. And, God willing, their knives still sheathed and secure on their person.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Some Guy Ranks The Padres After Their Busy Winter
Not that we should in anyway care about what a Red Sox beat reporter thinks about the Padres but I'm going back to the "Nick Cafardo" well, so to speak . . .
From the same Nick Cafardo column where I found the statistic used for yesterday's Gwynn Numbers: Strikeout Minutiae:
But if you read the assessment of the Padres as related to the other 29 teams it looks out of place. With every other team Cafardo proffers an opinion. He gives his perspective. There's none of that with his blurb on the Padres which I find strange considering that the Padres were one of the most active teams this off season. The Angels, Marlins, and Rangers all spent more money than the Padres but were matched or surpassed in terms of activity.
I'm not offended as a Padres fan but as a reader. If you're going to proclaim to be an expert on every team in MLB at least continue with an opinion on each team since you have decided to rank them all.
For example: "The Padres were one of the more active teams during the winter but it won't help at all in 2012."
I would disagree with it but at least there would be an element of honesty to the column which was clearly mailed in when it came to ranking team #28.
Editor's Note: Nick Cafardo is a member of the Baseball Writer's Association of America. Members of the BBWAA elect players to the Baseball Hall of Fame. He covers the Boston Red Sox. Obviously.
From the same Nick Cafardo column where I found the statistic used for yesterday's Gwynn Numbers: Strikeout Minutiae:
28. PADRES - Josh Byrnes took over as GM for Jed Hoyer and made some moves to change things for the financially strapped team, which lost closer Bell. Byrnes acquired Quentin from the White Sox, and got promising first base prospect Yonder Alonso from the Reds in the Latos deal, which also brought in righty Edinson Volquez.I don't think any of this is unfair. I can hardly quibble with someone picking the Padres as the 28th best team in a 30 team league. I think they'll be better than that but I'm not taking umbrage with their placement by the Boston Globe's, Nick Cafardo.
But if you read the assessment of the Padres as related to the other 29 teams it looks out of place. With every other team Cafardo proffers an opinion. He gives his perspective. There's none of that with his blurb on the Padres which I find strange considering that the Padres were one of the most active teams this off season. The Angels, Marlins, and Rangers all spent more money than the Padres but were matched or surpassed in terms of activity.
I'm not offended as a Padres fan but as a reader. If you're going to proclaim to be an expert on every team in MLB at least continue with an opinion on each team since you have decided to rank them all.
For example: "The Padres were one of the more active teams during the winter but it won't help at all in 2012."
I would disagree with it but at least there would be an element of honesty to the column which was clearly mailed in when it came to ranking team #28.
Editor's Note: Nick Cafardo is a member of the Baseball Writer's Association of America. Members of the BBWAA elect players to the Baseball Hall of Fame. He covers the Boston Red Sox. Obviously.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Over At The Fro: Padres and Pints Episode 2 (part 2) at El Cajon Brewing Company
Here's the conclusion to Padres and Pints at the El Cajon Brewing Company featuring Corey Brock: Episode 2: Part 2.
Gwynn Numbers: Strikeout Minutiae
The long walk back to the dugout after having swung a bat and missed -- abject failure personified.
I came across an interesting comment on strikeouts and batting title qualification yesterday morning. Naturally I thought of Tony Gwynn . . .
From Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe:
When I think of Ichiro and Albert Pujols I think of great hitters, batting champions. Johnny Damon not so much. But this is not about batting championships. It's about guys who received the requisite number of plate appearances to qualify for a batting title (502), to do it for 10 straight seasons, and to have K'd less than a 100 times in each season. I thought it would have been a higher number of players but 'tis a rare thing to stay injury free for ten seasons.
Ichiro Suzuki is a contact hitter. There's no surprise that he is a part of this short list. In winning 2 batting titles during his 11 seasons, Ichiro has averaged 68 strikeouts per season with a low of 53 and a high of 86. For a slap hitter who controls the zone so well these numbers seem high. Despite only two batting titles Ichiro's flurry of 200* hit seasons have led him to a career .326 BA.
*This incredible run ended in 2011 when Ichiro took a nose-dive, collecting a mere 186 hits with a .272 BA.
Albert Pujols is a power hitter. But he's also a great hitter. In winning 1 batting title during his 11 seasons, Albert has averaged 64 strikeouts per year with a low of 50 and a high of 93. The 93 Ks occurred during Pujols' rookie year and he hasn't been close to that figure since. Despite only 1 batting title Albert Pujols has a career .328 BA.
Johnny Damon is some guy who claimed to be an idiot. His teams over the last 10 years have mostly been winners but he's never won a batting title. To date, Johnny Damon's career is significantly longer than Ichiro's (11) and Pujols' (11) as he has just finished his 17th year. In his 17 seasons Damon has averaged 72 strikeout per year but in his last three years (ages 35-39) he has averaged 93 Ks. Time is slowly catching up with Johnny Damon -- idiot. Johnny Damon once hit .327 during a season. Unfortunately it was only good for tenth place in 2000. He has a career .286 BA.
Clearly Johnny Damon is not in the same class of hitters as Ichiro Suzuki and Albert Pujols. We already knew this. But in living through what appears to be the Age of the Strikeout, Johnny Damon's relative consistency is noteworthy even though, as a lead-off hitter*, he really shouldn't strikeout that much. He should also be lauded for staying healthy, and in so doing, keeping himself on the field and in the line-up.
*In 1573 of Johnny Damon's 2426 games he has hit 1st in the batting order.
Which brings us to Tony Gwynn . . .
Tony Gwynn is masterful. Batting crown discussions begin with the names of Cobb and Hornsby but often end with Gwynn. The man has a statue for crying-out-loud! We know all of this.
In his 20 year career Tony Gwynn averaged a God-like 22 strikeouts per year. His high was 40 Ks in 1988 when he squeaked out a batting title with a .313 BA. His lowest strikeout total (in a batting title qualifying year) was 15 in 1995 when he won his 6th batting title with a .368 BA.
What about the 1997 season when Gwynn started to synthesize all of his knowledge about hitting and stroked a career high 17 HRs? He still only struck out 28 times.
In the last ten years of Gwynn's career (1991-2011) the 1997 season was the only one in which he left the teens for strikeout totals, averaging only 16*.
*Due to injuries, Tony Gwynn only qualified for the batting title in 6 of those 11 seasons.
Tony Gwynn Could Hit So What's The Point?
I have to go back to Johnny Damon. He's 38 years old and entering his 18th season. He is a fit man so a couple of more seasons seems reasonable as he's managed to average 146 games per year over the last three seasons. If he can average the same number of hits (149 in 2010 and 2011) over the next two seasons then retire he would finish with 3021 hits for his career. Johnny Damon -- Idiot -- could find himself at the magical 3000 plateau which nearly ensures induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame*.
*Those in the 3000 hit club who are not in the HOF: Rafael Palmeiro (likely burned the bridge when he wagged finger at Congress and then tested positive for PEDs); Craig Biggio (eligible for HOF in 2013); Derek Jeter (Active. And a shoo-in). Oh yea . . . Pete Rose too.
Gwynn and Damon
Currently Johnny Damon has 2723 hits scattered across 10,693 plate appearances. Tony Gwynn finished with 3,141 hits in 10,232 PAs . . . which is 461 fewer PAs than Johnny Damon. If Johnny Damon gets to 3000 hits then it will have taken him roughly 1500 more plate appearances than it took Tony Gwynn to accomplish the mark. Clearly this discrepancy in PAs and Hits will account for Johnny Damon's low-.280ish BA at career's end.
A Gwynn comparison isn't fair to Johnny Damon. With 8 batting titles to his credit Tony Gwynn is the gold standard when it comes to hitting. It is how he is remembered. Consequently he is in Baseball's Hall of Fame.
When Johnny Damon retires with more than 3000 hits to his name I will remember him as follows: part of the 2004 Red Sox; a flimsy looking swing; a massive jaw-line; and a self-proclaimed idiot.
After the event takes place I'll likely nod my head in affirmation and make a weird face. And then I'll write something about Tony Gwynn. And then, other than to acknowledge he had a nice career, I won't think of Johnny Damon again.
I came across an interesting comment on strikeouts and batting title qualification yesterday morning. Naturally I thought of Tony Gwynn . . .
From Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe:
From the Bill Chuck* files. “Over the last 10 seasons, only three players who qualified for the batting title have struck out fewer than 100 times each season: Ichiro Suzuki, Albert Pujols, and Damon (Johnny).*This stat comes from a Nick Cafardo column but it is contributed by a guy named Bill Chuck.
When I think of Ichiro and Albert Pujols I think of great hitters, batting champions. Johnny Damon not so much. But this is not about batting championships. It's about guys who received the requisite number of plate appearances to qualify for a batting title (502), to do it for 10 straight seasons, and to have K'd less than a 100 times in each season. I thought it would have been a higher number of players but 'tis a rare thing to stay injury free for ten seasons.
Ichiro Suzuki is a contact hitter. There's no surprise that he is a part of this short list. In winning 2 batting titles during his 11 seasons, Ichiro has averaged 68 strikeouts per season with a low of 53 and a high of 86. For a slap hitter who controls the zone so well these numbers seem high. Despite only two batting titles Ichiro's flurry of 200* hit seasons have led him to a career .326 BA.
*This incredible run ended in 2011 when Ichiro took a nose-dive, collecting a mere 186 hits with a .272 BA.
Albert Pujols is a power hitter. But he's also a great hitter. In winning 1 batting title during his 11 seasons, Albert has averaged 64 strikeouts per year with a low of 50 and a high of 93. The 93 Ks occurred during Pujols' rookie year and he hasn't been close to that figure since. Despite only 1 batting title Albert Pujols has a career .328 BA.
Johnny Damon is some guy who claimed to be an idiot. His teams over the last 10 years have mostly been winners but he's never won a batting title. To date, Johnny Damon's career is significantly longer than Ichiro's (11) and Pujols' (11) as he has just finished his 17th year. In his 17 seasons Damon has averaged 72 strikeout per year but in his last three years (ages 35-39) he has averaged 93 Ks. Time is slowly catching up with Johnny Damon -- idiot. Johnny Damon once hit .327 during a season. Unfortunately it was only good for tenth place in 2000. He has a career .286 BA.
Clearly Johnny Damon is not in the same class of hitters as Ichiro Suzuki and Albert Pujols. We already knew this. But in living through what appears to be the Age of the Strikeout, Johnny Damon's relative consistency is noteworthy even though, as a lead-off hitter*, he really shouldn't strikeout that much. He should also be lauded for staying healthy, and in so doing, keeping himself on the field and in the line-up.
*In 1573 of Johnny Damon's 2426 games he has hit 1st in the batting order.
Which brings us to Tony Gwynn . . .
Tony Gwynn is masterful. Batting crown discussions begin with the names of Cobb and Hornsby but often end with Gwynn. The man has a statue for crying-out-loud! We know all of this.
In his 20 year career Tony Gwynn averaged a God-like 22 strikeouts per year. His high was 40 Ks in 1988 when he squeaked out a batting title with a .313 BA. His lowest strikeout total (in a batting title qualifying year) was 15 in 1995 when he won his 6th batting title with a .368 BA.
What about the 1997 season when Gwynn started to synthesize all of his knowledge about hitting and stroked a career high 17 HRs? He still only struck out 28 times.
In the last ten years of Gwynn's career (1991-2011) the 1997 season was the only one in which he left the teens for strikeout totals, averaging only 16*.
*Due to injuries, Tony Gwynn only qualified for the batting title in 6 of those 11 seasons.
Tony Gwynn Could Hit So What's The Point?
I have to go back to Johnny Damon. He's 38 years old and entering his 18th season. He is a fit man so a couple of more seasons seems reasonable as he's managed to average 146 games per year over the last three seasons. If he can average the same number of hits (149 in 2010 and 2011) over the next two seasons then retire he would finish with 3021 hits for his career. Johnny Damon -- Idiot -- could find himself at the magical 3000 plateau which nearly ensures induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame*.
*Those in the 3000 hit club who are not in the HOF: Rafael Palmeiro (likely burned the bridge when he wagged finger at Congress and then tested positive for PEDs); Craig Biggio (eligible for HOF in 2013); Derek Jeter (Active. And a shoo-in). Oh yea . . . Pete Rose too.
Gwynn and Damon
Currently Johnny Damon has 2723 hits scattered across 10,693 plate appearances. Tony Gwynn finished with 3,141 hits in 10,232 PAs . . . which is 461 fewer PAs than Johnny Damon. If Johnny Damon gets to 3000 hits then it will have taken him roughly 1500 more plate appearances than it took Tony Gwynn to accomplish the mark. Clearly this discrepancy in PAs and Hits will account for Johnny Damon's low-.280ish BA at career's end.
A Gwynn comparison isn't fair to Johnny Damon. With 8 batting titles to his credit Tony Gwynn is the gold standard when it comes to hitting. It is how he is remembered. Consequently he is in Baseball's Hall of Fame.
When Johnny Damon retires with more than 3000 hits to his name I will remember him as follows: part of the 2004 Red Sox; a flimsy looking swing; a massive jaw-line; and a self-proclaimed idiot.
After the event takes place I'll likely nod my head in affirmation and make a weird face. And then I'll write something about Tony Gwynn. And then, other than to acknowledge he had a nice career, I won't think of Johnny Damon again.
Friday, January 27, 2012
19 Reasons: Corrupting Alexander Pope
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. And Four. And Five. Officially, this is Reason Six.
In 1734 Alexander Pope penned the following line in his poem An Essay On Man:
The words intended to convey a sense of optimism for mankind -- an attempt to offer a rationale for God's plan. Enlightenment thinkers like Voltaire and Rousseau would later hold Pope's sentiments in high esteem.
It is on the shoulders of these giants, that baseball fans have stood, in trying to explain each April, how their teams surely could.
Sorry . . .
In the circles of Major League Baseball, Alexander Pope's words have become cliche.
We have corrupted the work of Pope, as we all do each and every spring. We fans of the have-nots in Major League Baseball: the Kansas Citys, the Pitsburghs, the . . . San Diegos. It is our attempt to rationalize following a team who has little chance to reach the heights we dream for it. But we turn out anyways because, as Pope says, "hope springs eternal."
This sense that Pope spoke of accompanied every Padres fan to PETCO Park on April 5th, 2011. Arriving home after taking the opening series in St. Louis (2-1) the Padres opened to a sell-out crowd against the 2010 Champion San Francisco Giants.
With Adrian Gonzalez gone fans tried to convince themselves that this edition of the San Diego team was more balanced than the one that played meaningful games until the 162nd game of the 2010 season. An attempt to rationalize? Regardless, it was our collective hope as fans.
We witnessed valuable contributions by newcomers, Aaron Harang, Jorge Cantu, Jason Bartlett, and Orlando Hudson. And 2010 holdovers, Ryan Ludwick and Chase Headley, stole away Madison Bumgarner's hope when they worked the young Giant for back-to-back walks on 18 total pitches.
At the end of that 3rd inning the Padres would hold a 3-1 lead over the defending champions and as the game progressed Padres fans sensed that the score would continue to idle.
The familiar troika of Gregerson, Adams, and Bell would come in to close out the game for a 3-1 win and on this day a pervasive feeling of hope sustained Padres fans.
As we took in the festivities, the pomp of a Padres home opener, we all held hope that things would continue to go well for the team. We smiled, enjoying the atmosphere and a defeat of the Giants. And we did it amongst friends.
The Padres record, like the opening day score, stood at 3-1 --- .750 baseball. And fans would never see the likes of it again in 2011. Spring doesn't last forever.
In 1734 Alexander Pope penned the following line in his poem An Essay On Man:
The words intended to convey a sense of optimism for mankind -- an attempt to offer a rationale for God's plan. Enlightenment thinkers like Voltaire and Rousseau would later hold Pope's sentiments in high esteem.
It is on the shoulders of these giants, that baseball fans have stood, in trying to explain each April, how their teams surely could.
Sorry . . .
In the circles of Major League Baseball, Alexander Pope's words have become cliche.
We have corrupted the work of Pope, as we all do each and every spring. We fans of the have-nots in Major League Baseball: the Kansas Citys, the Pitsburghs, the . . . San Diegos. It is our attempt to rationalize following a team who has little chance to reach the heights we dream for it. But we turn out anyways because, as Pope says, "hope springs eternal."
This sense that Pope spoke of accompanied every Padres fan to PETCO Park on April 5th, 2011. Arriving home after taking the opening series in St. Louis (2-1) the Padres opened to a sell-out crowd against the 2010 Champion San Francisco Giants.
With Adrian Gonzalez gone fans tried to convince themselves that this edition of the San Diego team was more balanced than the one that played meaningful games until the 162nd game of the 2010 season. An attempt to rationalize? Regardless, it was our collective hope as fans.
We witnessed valuable contributions by newcomers, Aaron Harang, Jorge Cantu, Jason Bartlett, and Orlando Hudson. And 2010 holdovers, Ryan Ludwick and Chase Headley, stole away Madison Bumgarner's hope when they worked the young Giant for back-to-back walks on 18 total pitches.
At the end of that 3rd inning the Padres would hold a 3-1 lead over the defending champions and as the game progressed Padres fans sensed that the score would continue to idle.
The familiar troika of Gregerson, Adams, and Bell would come in to close out the game for a 3-1 win and on this day a pervasive feeling of hope sustained Padres fans.
As we took in the festivities, the pomp of a Padres home opener, we all held hope that things would continue to go well for the team. We smiled, enjoying the atmosphere and a defeat of the Giants. And we did it amongst friends.
The Padres record, like the opening day score, stood at 3-1 --- .750 baseball. And fans would never see the likes of it again in 2011. Spring doesn't last forever.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Ballast Point Brewing: The Padres and Pints Rapid Fire Poll
The last segment, comprising a rapid fire segment began with a 5 question warm-up. The responses did not require explanation. They were meant only to be quick, honest answers to get the brain moving.
These questions were specifically designed to get inside the mind of Geoff Young. While they were first posited to Geoff there's no reason you cannot challenge yourself too.
Begin . . .
The first question involves a prediction between a new arrival in San Diego this off-season and a hopeful arrival sometime in the near future. The players are not connected by age or ability but in name only. Which Padre property do you prefer in PETCO?
You are faced with the prospect of naming your first born boy and only to names are left on the table. Do not ask how or why. Such inquisition ruins the scenario. Which name do you choose?
You are watching a game and a player hits a weak blooper that falls between a converging CF and SS for a base-hit. Which is the better weak fly ball adjective?
Depending on how you answered the previous question, whose Ducksnorts / Texas-Leaguers do you prefer?
You're invited to a back-alley dust-up and you need someone to fight by your side. You get to choose 1 former Padre to be a part of the fray. One is a Vietnam veteran who starred in one of the greatest baseball brawls of all time. The other is trained in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Who do you choose?
Depending on how you answered the previous question who would you choose to have your back?
The answer to all questions is Joe Randa. Thanks for playing.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Over At The 'Fro: Padres And Pints Episode 2 (part 1)
Last week we met at The El Cajon Brewing Company to talk with Padres beat-writer, Corey Brock. Enjoy part 1 of this episode in all its splendor* over at RJ'sFro.
*The volume/sound doesn't suck this time.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Padres and Pints Episode 2 Preview: El Cajon Brewing Company
What did the Padres beat-writer for MLB have to say about Josh Byrnes' busy winter? Here's the preview to Episode 2:
19 Reasons: The Things We Carry
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. And Four. Officially, this is Reason Five.
It was 1987. Friends had hopped on a plane to visit their long lost friend in San Diego, California. We journeyed to the beach, zoo, and other notable points of interest discovered over my first year living here.
And then we went to a Padres game at Jack Murphy Stadium . . .
While sitting in batting practice my best friend Matt caught a ball. A real ball. Touched by big-leaguers. I was incredulous! Why not me! I put aside my bitterness, congratulated my friend, and took solace in the consolation that my day would come soon enough.
Twenty-four years later I finally got a ball.
The 2011 season was the one in which I finally left for home with a ball from a Padres game. The when, where, and how of this ball was a bit unique, and if we're speaking candidly, illegitimate [I wrote about it here]. I'm not about to apologize for this ball, it's mine. But I also thought it to be an omen of sorts -- perhaps a harbinger of balls to come during the season. I had one but I still wanted the thrill of catching a ball during a game.
My seats were good in 2011, perfect for caroming foul-balls. In the spring, I brought my friend Mark to a game. I erred when I gave him the seat closest to the aisle . . .
It was 1987. Friends had hopped on a plane to visit their long lost friend in San Diego, California. We journeyed to the beach, zoo, and other notable points of interest discovered over my first year living here.
And then we went to a Padres game at Jack Murphy Stadium . . .
While sitting in batting practice my best friend Matt caught a ball. A real ball. Touched by big-leaguers. I was incredulous! Why not me! I put aside my bitterness, congratulated my friend, and took solace in the consolation that my day would come soon enough.
Twenty-four years later I finally got a ball.
The 2011 season was the one in which I finally left for home with a ball from a Padres game. The when, where, and how of this ball was a bit unique, and if we're speaking candidly, illegitimate [I wrote about it here]. I'm not about to apologize for this ball, it's mine. But I also thought it to be an omen of sorts -- perhaps a harbinger of balls to come during the season. I had one but I still wanted the thrill of catching a ball during a game.
My seats were good in 2011, perfect for caroming foul-balls. In the spring, I brought my friend Mark to a game. I erred when I gave him the seat closest to the aisle . . .
How could I have known? I was happy for him. With a gentle nudge, he decided to give the ball to the young girl sitting with her father behind us. Before the offering we did get this picture for posterity, though.
There would be another close call in 2011 where a ball ricocheted off a stairwell, flew over the person's shoulder in front and to the right of me, skinned off my left ring finger, and continued over the shoulder of Rick from RJ's Fro. There would be a mad scramble for the scuffed ball in the aisle behind us, but again nothing for me to claim.
I got one ball in 2011 (illegitimate as it may be) and fell short on a couple of other occasions as I did in 1987 with Matt. Getting a foul ball at a game would be a thrill (I imagine) but the more memorable part seems to be the recounting of the circumstances, who you were with during the moment, your friends. When it comes to baseball games those are the things we carry . . .
Over At The 'Fro: Padres and Pints Episode One: Part Two
The much anticipated conclusion to episode one of Padres and Pints with Geoff Young at Ballast Point Brewery has arrived. In part two we talk about stuff. Pretty much baseball related. And then we try to be funny. Grab a beer and be the judge [Padres and Pints]
Monday, January 23, 2012
An Austin Hedges Thought
In a lengthy column about a bunch of crap mostly related to the Boston Red Sox a statistical gem unearthed itself.
From Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe:
Jeff Mathis, Jason Varitek, and Kelly Shoppach were also taken in either the 1st or 2nd rounds of the draft and made it to the Majors. None of them can hit. At all.
Jason Varitek deserves a pass because he's ancient whereas Mathis and Shoppach are relatively young. Kelly Shoppach is 31 but hasn't hit in three years. This is in starch contrast to Mathis -- who has never hit.
I prefer Hedges becoming Varitek. Maybe the captain of a World Series winner? In any case, I think we'll see Austin Hedges in San Diego if his glove is as advertised, for no other reason than Jeff Mathis' employment.
Happy thoughts for a Monday.
From Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe:
From the Bill Chuck files: “Over the last four seasons, there have been four players with at least 1,000 at-bats who have cumulatively hit .220 or lower: Jeff Mathis (.193), Andruw Jones (.213), Jason Varitek (.218), and Kelly Shoppach (.220).’’Since three of those guys are catchers I immediately thought of 2011 2nd round draft pick Austin Hedges -- the belief in his "once in a generation" defense but the questions about his bat.
Jeff Mathis, Jason Varitek, and Kelly Shoppach were also taken in either the 1st or 2nd rounds of the draft and made it to the Majors. None of them can hit. At all.
Jason Varitek deserves a pass because he's ancient whereas Mathis and Shoppach are relatively young. Kelly Shoppach is 31 but hasn't hit in three years. This is in starch contrast to Mathis -- who has never hit.
I prefer Hedges becoming Varitek. Maybe the captain of a World Series winner? In any case, I think we'll see Austin Hedges in San Diego if his glove is as advertised, for no other reason than Jeff Mathis' employment.
Happy thoughts for a Monday.
Gwynn Numbers: A Weird Angle To 1994
I wanted to do some comparative player research but I've been derailed by Tony Gwynn's epic 1994 season. This post is not about WAR (Wins Above Replacement). But that's where it starts . . .
I wanted to compare Gwynn's highest WAR season to that of a player who shall remain nameless (maybe I'll look at him next week). I figured I would start with the strike shortened 1994 season, the year of the gaudy .394 AVG. Surprisingly*, at 3.4 WAR, 1994 was only Tony Gwynn's 8th best season according to Wins Above Replacement. Crazy, I know.
*Surprising to me anyway. The Gwynn seasons that always stand out to me are 1994 because of the run at .400 but also 1997 (5.2 WAR .372/.409/.547). In 1997, at age 37, Gwynn showed a slugging surge with career highs in HR (17) and RBI (119). This was the year Tony fully implemented the theories from his talks with Ted Williams at the 1992 All-Star game. I think Ted had yelled at him for not turning on inside pitches with authority. Something like that.
To look at Gwynn's highest season, again according to WAR, one look no further than 1987 where, at 8.1, he finished 8th in NL MVP* voting. In '87 Gwynn had a slash-line of .370/.447/.511 where he led the league in batting average and hits. His league leading hits included 13 triples.
*According to Baseball-Reference.com anything above 8 WAR is an MVP caliber season. Of course the Padres stunk in 1987 (65-97 finishing dead last in the 6 team NL West) and it would be straight-up crazy-talk to award the MVP to a guy on a crappy team. Andre Dawson won the MVP in '87 and the Cubs were pretty awesome that year.
But this post is not about WAR. I want to get back to the 1994 season and Gwynn's magical run at .400.
After 110 games the season came to an end and Gwynn led the league in hits (165) BA (.394) and OBP (.454). There was one more category in which Gwynn was the league leader at year's end. Any guesses?
If you guessed GDP (double plays grounded into) then you are a miserable sob who doesn't deserve to bask in the eternal glow of Mr. Padre's bronze statue at the top of the hill in the Park in the Park! But if that was your guess you are a miserable sob with some knowledge. Let's apply that knowledge!
With 20 GDP, Gwynn led the league in 1994. He hit into 20 double plays again the next year but it took him 20 more games to do it. But again, very surprised by this stat. Why so many GDP from a guy who nearly hit .400 for the season?
Gwynn was 34 in 1994 and based on this 1995 Fleer baseball card the weight around the waste is becoming evident.
In 1994 he no longer stole bases like he did from 1984-1989 when he averaged 34 swipes per season. He stole a scant 5 bases in 1994 but would follow it up with 17 in 1995. So we can't really say that his speed was entirely gone, although his knees were on their way. There's not necessarily a correlation between stolen bases and GDP, but I'm looking for an explanation of some sort.
What about injury? He did miss 7 games during the strike shortened season. After coming out during the 5th inning of the opener Tony missed the next 6 games. Could it have been a knee strain? Something that slowed him down enough to get doubled-up with greater frequency?
Where does Gwynn rank for GDP in his career? According to the Baseball Almanac Gwynn ranks 23rd all-time in GDP. If you look at the those ranked above him it's a pretty stellar list of Hall-of-Famers and other recognizable names. Of those ranking above Gwynn only the name of Clemente would I associate with any type of speed*, most of the honorees being more the lumbering type. The list also confirms that if you play long enough you're likely to be a part of a bad statistical measurement.
*This is a dubious claim. I never saw Clemente play and his career totals for stolen bases are paltry (6 per season). But when I think of Clemente I always think of that clip of him running the bases. He looked fast (see 5:12 of clip). Maybe it was just the effort with which he ran.
What about Ted Williams' GDP during his great 1941 campaign when he hit .406? Let's put it this way: Williams grounded into 21 double plays . . . if you combine his famous .406 season of '41 and his .388 year of 1957. Ted did have high seasons of GDP (22 in 1949 and 19 in 1958 at age 39) but in each of those years he hit .343 or below. Of course, Ted was more of a fly-ball hitter with that slight uppercut swing. So maybe it makes perfect sense that Ted Williams never had an overly high GDP total.
Tony Gwynn was not a flyball hitter. He plied his trade peppering the 5.5 hole between third and short and maybe that's where the answer lies. Tony Gwynn hit the ball on the screws and he hit it on the ground and he never did it more consistently than 1994.
At the premature end of the '94 season, Tony Gwynn led the league in GDP -- while hitting .394. And that distinction still blows me away.
I wanted to compare Gwynn's highest WAR season to that of a player who shall remain nameless (maybe I'll look at him next week). I figured I would start with the strike shortened 1994 season, the year of the gaudy .394 AVG. Surprisingly*, at 3.4 WAR, 1994 was only Tony Gwynn's 8th best season according to Wins Above Replacement. Crazy, I know.
*Surprising to me anyway. The Gwynn seasons that always stand out to me are 1994 because of the run at .400 but also 1997 (5.2 WAR .372/.409/.547). In 1997, at age 37, Gwynn showed a slugging surge with career highs in HR (17) and RBI (119). This was the year Tony fully implemented the theories from his talks with Ted Williams at the 1992 All-Star game. I think Ted had yelled at him for not turning on inside pitches with authority. Something like that.
To look at Gwynn's highest season, again according to WAR, one look no further than 1987 where, at 8.1, he finished 8th in NL MVP* voting. In '87 Gwynn had a slash-line of .370/.447/.511 where he led the league in batting average and hits. His league leading hits included 13 triples.
*According to Baseball-Reference.com anything above 8 WAR is an MVP caliber season. Of course the Padres stunk in 1987 (65-97 finishing dead last in the 6 team NL West) and it would be straight-up crazy-talk to award the MVP to a guy on a crappy team. Andre Dawson won the MVP in '87 and the Cubs were pretty awesome that year.
But this post is not about WAR. I want to get back to the 1994 season and Gwynn's magical run at .400.
After 110 games the season came to an end and Gwynn led the league in hits (165) BA (.394) and OBP (.454). There was one more category in which Gwynn was the league leader at year's end. Any guesses?
If you guessed GDP (double plays grounded into) then you are a miserable sob who doesn't deserve to bask in the eternal glow of Mr. Padre's bronze statue at the top of the hill in the Park in the Park! But if that was your guess you are a miserable sob with some knowledge. Let's apply that knowledge!
With 20 GDP, Gwynn led the league in 1994. He hit into 20 double plays again the next year but it took him 20 more games to do it. But again, very surprised by this stat. Why so many GDP from a guy who nearly hit .400 for the season?
Gwynn was 34 in 1994 and based on this 1995 Fleer baseball card the weight around the waste is becoming evident.
What about injury? He did miss 7 games during the strike shortened season. After coming out during the 5th inning of the opener Tony missed the next 6 games. Could it have been a knee strain? Something that slowed him down enough to get doubled-up with greater frequency?
Where does Gwynn rank for GDP in his career? According to the Baseball Almanac Gwynn ranks 23rd all-time in GDP. If you look at the those ranked above him it's a pretty stellar list of Hall-of-Famers and other recognizable names. Of those ranking above Gwynn only the name of Clemente would I associate with any type of speed*, most of the honorees being more the lumbering type. The list also confirms that if you play long enough you're likely to be a part of a bad statistical measurement.
*This is a dubious claim. I never saw Clemente play and his career totals for stolen bases are paltry (6 per season). But when I think of Clemente I always think of that clip of him running the bases. He looked fast (see 5:12 of clip). Maybe it was just the effort with which he ran.
What about Ted Williams' GDP during his great 1941 campaign when he hit .406? Let's put it this way: Williams grounded into 21 double plays . . . if you combine his famous .406 season of '41 and his .388 year of 1957. Ted did have high seasons of GDP (22 in 1949 and 19 in 1958 at age 39) but in each of those years he hit .343 or below. Of course, Ted was more of a fly-ball hitter with that slight uppercut swing. So maybe it makes perfect sense that Ted Williams never had an overly high GDP total.
Tony Gwynn was not a flyball hitter. He plied his trade peppering the 5.5 hole between third and short and maybe that's where the answer lies. Tony Gwynn hit the ball on the screws and he hit it on the ground and he never did it more consistently than 1994.
At the premature end of the '94 season, Tony Gwynn led the league in GDP -- while hitting .394. And that distinction still blows me away.
Friday, January 20, 2012
The Padres and Cake (part 3): Indoctrination
In Wednesday's The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story, I told you that my reasons for deceiving you were pure . . .
Our topic is indoctrination.
Properly indoctrinating young children is no easy task. You might think it so but the process is painstaking and endless. Are my little ones Padres fans? Sure. But to what degree? They know the name of Gwynn and that the Dodgers and Giants are not to be trusted but can they sit through a game, appreciating nuance, and ultimately stay with the team and the game forever?
'Tis a daunting task, this indoctrination business. I suggest beginning with something more simple. Something like music.
I don't believe in listening to kids music. There is a fine line between giving into a child's wants and completely selling your soul. Consequently, the moment you begin to purchase the aforementioned crap a part of you has died. But fear not -- kids don't really want that music anyway. You give it to them. And then they want it. End the cycle now.
The little Avengers like to dance so we turn on Time Warner's Music Choice channels. During the baseball season this event generally cuts into the top half of the 2nd inning. I am fine with this.
Against the wishes of Mrs. AJM, I do my best to avoid the kids channel and all dance stations. If dancing is to replace Padres on the television then it will occur to an alternative soundtrack (found on channels 916, 917, and 918). These are good stations. Modern alternative. The Clash, Police, etc. Remember, we're indoctrinating kids here. What do you want them to listen to? Make them want good music. Stop the cycle of delivering crappy music and you'll extinguish their desire for crappy music.
As the Padres game plays. Kids dance. Missing the second inning is an acceptable trade-off. The Music Choice channels, in addition to playing the soundtrack for our own personal Dance Party U.S.A., display rotating pictures and biographical information about the musicians. While the music plays, the Padres never fully leave the room because invariably, Cake begins to play.
When Cake plays, and the pictures cycle through, I don't see Cake's lead singer and guitarist John McCrea. I see Heath Bell.
The vast number of times I've had this thought forced me to create an odd narrative about a marketing opportunity for the Padres*. Carrying that narrative in my mind for the last 11 months nearly killed me and it was with great relief that I deposited segments here at AJM, in various parts this week. I feel like I can properly carry on my true work now: indoctrinating children into following a small market baseball team.
*The Padres and Cake (part 1): A Failed Marketing Campaign
Training children to be Padres fans and to listen to good music is not easy. And it never will be. You must thrust yourself into both propositions.
If the day comes that the little ones decide that baseball is not for them, and the little bonding session you once enjoyed over the game is sought elsewhere, there will surely be a reckoning in your world. If this day comes while driving the vocal majority will likely clamor for you to exchange the cacophonous tones of Ted Leitner for music on the FM dial. And if this is your fate you'll be forced to posit this question: Did I err when I chose not to attempt to indoctrinate the little ones into listening to my music?
Do not let it come to this. Baseball is no sure thing with humans*. But music is forever. Program them to listen to the good stuff. And do it now.
*But it should be. Alas, I do not make the rules.
Our topic is indoctrination.
Properly indoctrinating young children is no easy task. You might think it so but the process is painstaking and endless. Are my little ones Padres fans? Sure. But to what degree? They know the name of Gwynn and that the Dodgers and Giants are not to be trusted but can they sit through a game, appreciating nuance, and ultimately stay with the team and the game forever?
'Tis a daunting task, this indoctrination business. I suggest beginning with something more simple. Something like music.
I don't believe in listening to kids music. There is a fine line between giving into a child's wants and completely selling your soul. Consequently, the moment you begin to purchase the aforementioned crap a part of you has died. But fear not -- kids don't really want that music anyway. You give it to them. And then they want it. End the cycle now.
The little Avengers like to dance so we turn on Time Warner's Music Choice channels. During the baseball season this event generally cuts into the top half of the 2nd inning. I am fine with this.
Against the wishes of Mrs. AJM, I do my best to avoid the kids channel and all dance stations. If dancing is to replace Padres on the television then it will occur to an alternative soundtrack (found on channels 916, 917, and 918). These are good stations. Modern alternative. The Clash, Police, etc. Remember, we're indoctrinating kids here. What do you want them to listen to? Make them want good music. Stop the cycle of delivering crappy music and you'll extinguish their desire for crappy music.
As the Padres game plays. Kids dance. Missing the second inning is an acceptable trade-off. The Music Choice channels, in addition to playing the soundtrack for our own personal Dance Party U.S.A., display rotating pictures and biographical information about the musicians. While the music plays, the Padres never fully leave the room because invariably, Cake begins to play.
When Cake plays, and the pictures cycle through, I don't see Cake's lead singer and guitarist John McCrea. I see Heath Bell.
*The Padres and Cake (part 1): A Failed Marketing Campaign
Training children to be Padres fans and to listen to good music is not easy. And it never will be. You must thrust yourself into both propositions.
If the day comes that the little ones decide that baseball is not for them, and the little bonding session you once enjoyed over the game is sought elsewhere, there will surely be a reckoning in your world. If this day comes while driving the vocal majority will likely clamor for you to exchange the cacophonous tones of Ted Leitner for music on the FM dial. And if this is your fate you'll be forced to posit this question: Did I err when I chose not to attempt to indoctrinate the little ones into listening to my music?
Do not let it come to this. Baseball is no sure thing with humans*. But music is forever. Program them to listen to the good stuff. And do it now.
*But it should be. Alas, I do not make the rules.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
19 Reasons: The Great Meme Contest of '11
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. And Three. Officially, this is Reason Four.
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls
Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn
Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman
Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats
Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously. There were championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage
In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
There are surely a fair number of memes I have not included in this post. My apologies. These were merely the four that originated in 2011 which I used with the greatest frequency. Feel free to deposit your favorite in the comment section if I missed it.
Let the humor continue to flow in 2012
My dictionary doesn't have a proper definition for the word meme, at least in the context that we have come to know it during these days of the internet. As such I've decided to take a snippet from Wikepedia which is in fine working condition after their day off yesterday. I quoth:
The term "Internet meme" refers to a concept that spreads rapidly from person to person via the Internet, largely through Internet-based email, blogs, forums, Image-boards, social networking sites, instant messaging and video streaming sites such as Youtube.When the Padres began to make their way down the proverbial drain in 2011, only one thing could deliver fans from eternal damnation: humor.
That humor often manifested itself in the form of clever little memes dispersed throughout the blogosphere. In creating and disseminating these memes, we fans of the San Diego Padres Baseball Club, were offered salvation . .
It began in February, when the drain was nothing more than an abstract concept in a far off distance . . .
Balls
Background
In 2011 Mat Latos signed three baseballs with the inscription, "I hate SF." An uproar ensued and a measured but proportional response was required by Padres fans across the globe. RJ's Fro stepped out from the shadows and provided a unanimous response in the form of . . . #balls.
Nearly every piece of Padre related Twitter discussion in February of 2011 found itself with the #balls hash-tag and it continued throughout the season especially when the Padres played the Giants or Latos was on the hill.
Practical Usage
The #balls meme is very versatile. There need be no discussion of baseball for it to be attached. In many ways it's the meme you want to use when you feel like you've been disrespected or perhaps under-appreciated. The fix is simple. Give your two cents, slap a #balls hash-tag on there, and you're good to go. Respect restored!
Example: I hate San Francisco Giants fans showing up to PETCO in their brand new World Series gear. #balls
The versatility of #balls is displayed when you want to illustrate that things just aren't going well for you.
Example: The Mrs. is going to be pissed. #balls.
Run with it . . .
Mow My Lawn
Background
In 2011 Orlando Hudson lost favor with fans as he criticized fans for booing and then condescendingly mocked fans for not being able to play the game past the high school level.
The feelings towards Hudson began to reach a fever-pitch when he nonchalantly tossed a ball into the stands and was later quoted as saying that he thought it was funny.
But the tipping point with the O-Dog occurred when an individual operating his verified Twitter account responded to criticism by telling an individual to come over and "cut his grass"
"Cut his grass" quickly morphed into "Mow My Lawn" and the rest is history. This particular meme produced endless hours of fun over Twitter. And it's still feeding a hungry Padre public today.
Practical Usage
You feel the need to "big-time" an individual or you desire to give the illusion that you are more favored in life than some other mope on the street. How do you accurately convey your contempt? Easy. You simply say, "Mow My Lawn". If on twitter, say your peace, and then add a hash-tag to the comment (#mowmylawn).
Example: Are the Padres gonna get a new second baseman in 2012. Who knows? #mowmylawn
Example: I am better than you. Ask your mom! #mowmylawn
The Cult of Jesus Guzman
Background
The Padres offensive output in 2011 was, in a word, offensive.
With the loss of Adrian Gonzalez the Padres offense slid dramatically and Padres fans were left with infinite questions.
Enter Jesus Guzman. Guzman did his best to energize an anemic offense by showing that there was a Padre who could indeed swing the stick. Jesus Guzman couldn't play defense a lick but who cares! He was so bad at first base I found it almost as equally entertaining as his hitting.
During Padres games in 2011 there was no shortage of memes centering around Jesus Guzman. Whether it was the reference to Guzman as a misfit toy (#misfittoycannon) by Craig Elsten at 619 Sports or the biblical references to Guzman's abilities (#jesussaves), all provide entertainment.
I always found myself partial to the idea that Padres fans had entered a cult. Jesus Guzman's hitting exploits (exaggerated as they may be) pushed fans to a very weird level. Jesus Guzman made me sense the imminence of a move to Africa, communal living, and endless supplies of kool-aid.
No matter what the exaggeration happened to be, I felt a deep sense of belonging with others in The Cult of Jesus Guzman (#cultofjesusguzman).
Practical Usage
This meme is pretty one-dimensional. Say something about Jesus Guzman and insert hash-tag. I am partial to saying something biblical so it reads as Jesus rather than Hay-Zeus, then adding a baseball exploit and following it up with the requisite hash-tag.
Of course, the next Padre who comes out of no where and hits the cover off the ball, might just have his exploits referenced as #TheCultOfJesusGuzman. With evolution one never knows.
Example: Sometimes Jesus turns water to wine. And sometimes he destroys PETCO Park. #TheCultOfJesusGuzman
Dickhats
Background
When the 2010 World Series champion San Francisco Giants visited San Diego for the Padres home opener, our neighbors from the north arrived ostentatiously. There were championship banners on display, commemorative patches adorning brand-new jerseys and no dearth of black dyed beards.
It was the 2010 World Series hat however, which brought Padres fans back from the ledge on opening day. For, while this hat showcased a Giants championship, the triumph was overwhelmed by the phallic symbol adorning the back of the hat. The San Francisco Giants and their fans surely had a championship . . . and it looked like a penis.
Practical Usage
In April everything related to the Giants became referenced with the hash-tag #dickhats. It is simultaneously an insult and a compliment. The insult stems from the decision by fans to wear a hat so poorly designed that the championship trophy looks . . . well, so un-trophy-like. The compliment is rooted in a collective desire for the Padres to finally win a championship. Ultimately we want #dickhats.
Example: Have fun with the Giants in town this week. PETCO will be overrun with idiots. #dickhats
Example: World Series appearance in 1984. World Series appearance in 1998. 2012 . . . #dickhats
Of these 2011 memes which did you enjoy most?
Let the humor continue to flow in 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thomas Jefferson and Breakfasttown
I'll begin with a bit of honesty. You don't want to read this.
It's not really about Thomas Jefferson and limited constitutional government. It's not even about Breakfasttown, per se. If I was going to list people who would have the slightest interest in this non-sense, I'd cap it at about five people. Five Padres fans*. And I don't even think they would care.
Yet I must write about this experience . . .
I went to Washington D.C. last year. On day one we drove down to Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello. An amazing property. Historic. Anyways, I was with a group. I decided to wear a shirt that represented where I was from and also stood out amongst a sea of people. I went with a Gaslamp Ball creation: Welcome to Breakfasttown USA:
Look at those Chrome Yellow walls! I stood against the wall and looked like a floating head.
While my smile stretched ear to ear, deep inside me resided a reservoir of pain. With a strict no photograph policy inside of the home I could not properly capture the glory of Breakfasttown's rendezvous with Thomas Jefferson. Instead I settled for a likeness from the historic site's web page.
My pain also extended from the knowledge that at that exact moment the San Diego Padres were taking batting practice in Washington D.C. preparing to face the Nationals in a three game series. I didn't see one of the games . . .
C'est la vie, as they say.
Thomas Jefferson, who held the French in high esteem, would likely agree.
* The five people who might give a hoot are those who have bought Breakfasttown t-shirts. I don't even know what the number is up to these days but I cannot imagine anyone outside of the t-shirt owning minority to care about this. And even then . . .
It's not really about Thomas Jefferson and limited constitutional government. It's not even about Breakfasttown, per se. If I was going to list people who would have the slightest interest in this non-sense, I'd cap it at about five people. Five Padres fans*. And I don't even think they would care.
Yet I must write about this experience . . .
I went to Washington D.C. last year. On day one we drove down to Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello. An amazing property. Historic. Anyways, I was with a group. I decided to wear a shirt that represented where I was from and also stood out amongst a sea of people. I went with a Gaslamp Ball creation: Welcome to Breakfasttown USA:
Bright. Beautiful. Breakfasttown. Glorious.
So imagine my delight as I worked my way through a tour of Jefferson's Monticello only to find myself in his dining room where I literally disappeared . . .
So imagine my delight as I worked my way through a tour of Jefferson's Monticello only to find myself in his dining room where I literally disappeared . . .
Look at those Chrome Yellow walls! I stood against the wall and looked like a floating head.
While my smile stretched ear to ear, deep inside me resided a reservoir of pain. With a strict no photograph policy inside of the home I could not properly capture the glory of Breakfasttown's rendezvous with Thomas Jefferson. Instead I settled for a likeness from the historic site's web page.
My pain also extended from the knowledge that at that exact moment the San Diego Padres were taking batting practice in Washington D.C. preparing to face the Nationals in a three game series. I didn't see one of the games . . .
C'est la vie, as they say.
Thomas Jefferson, who held the French in high esteem, would likely agree.
* The five people who might give a hoot are those who have bought Breakfasttown t-shirts. I don't even know what the number is up to these days but I cannot imagine anyone outside of the t-shirt owning minority to care about this. And even then . . .
The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story
"Now the things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story."
~ Reservoir Dogs (1992)
From the mind of Quentin Tarantino came the above piece of dialogue. Created for a character named Detective Holdaway of the L.A.P.D, the line was spoken to fellow detective Freddy Newandyke. Viewers of the critically acclaimed film came to know Freddy as . . . Mr. Orange.
To do undercover work Freddy needed a story to recite if ever interrogated by a criminal element. A story so detailed, there would be little doubt he was part of a world of crime. A story that would keep him alive. A Commode Story was born.
Holdaway gave the future Mr. Orange a script for an amusing story that happened while working a job. He told him to commit the structure of the story to memory and fill in the gaps with color. Convincing color. The finished anecdote described a run-in with four L.A. Sheriffs in a filthy airport restroom. The precision of the Commode story allowed Freddy to work for Joe Cabot during a Jewelry heist . . . as Mr. Orange.
When I wrote The Padres and Cake: A failed Marketing Campaign it would be best described as a derivative of the above Reservoir Dogs scene. This is to say that it was extremely detailed and wholly untrue.
From the new slogan (Going The Distance) and a concert by Cake at the Park in the Park honoring the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion Padres, all were part of an apocryphal tale.
People simply read the post. Some voted in the poll about whether the idea was good, however the veracity of my claim was never questioned.This could probably be attributed to the painstaking detail, my own personal Commode Story. That and Heath Bell looks a lot Cake's John McCrea.
The details were paramount but I knew I needed more. Before I hit Publish Post I stood up, looked in the mirror and had a moment. A moment with myself. And I said, "You're fuckin' Beretta. They believe every fuckin' word. Cuz you're super cool."
I am sorry to have deceived you. But I was not without reason . . .
~ Reservoir Dogs (1992)
From the mind of Quentin Tarantino came the above piece of dialogue. Created for a character named Detective Holdaway of the L.A.P.D, the line was spoken to fellow detective Freddy Newandyke. Viewers of the critically acclaimed film came to know Freddy as . . . Mr. Orange.
To do undercover work Freddy needed a story to recite if ever interrogated by a criminal element. A story so detailed, there would be little doubt he was part of a world of crime. A story that would keep him alive. A Commode Story was born.
Holdaway gave the future Mr. Orange a script for an amusing story that happened while working a job. He told him to commit the structure of the story to memory and fill in the gaps with color. Convincing color. The finished anecdote described a run-in with four L.A. Sheriffs in a filthy airport restroom. The precision of the Commode story allowed Freddy to work for Joe Cabot during a Jewelry heist . . . as Mr. Orange.
From the new slogan (Going The Distance) and a concert by Cake at the Park in the Park honoring the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion Padres, all were part of an apocryphal tale.
People simply read the post. Some voted in the poll about whether the idea was good, however the veracity of my claim was never questioned.This could probably be attributed to the painstaking detail, my own personal Commode Story. That and Heath Bell looks a lot Cake's John McCrea.
The details were paramount but I knew I needed more. Before I hit Publish Post I stood up, looked in the mirror and had a moment. A moment with myself. And I said, "You're fuckin' Beretta. They believe every fuckin' word. Cuz you're super cool."
I am sorry to have deceived you. But I was not without reason . . .
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Over At The 'Fro: Padres and Pints Episode One: Part One
Last week the guys from RJ's Fro and I got together with Geoff Young (Ducksnorts and Baseball Prospectus) to talk baseball and beer. We met at Ballast Point Brewing and Spirits in Scripps Ranch, where we received some background on the best selling craft beer in San Diego.
From there we discussed the local media's influence (or lack thereof) and the message Padres management is attempting to send to fans.
It was a fantastic time. Check out Episode 1: Part 1, over at RJ's Fro.
19 Reasons: I Got A Bat
The introduction to 19 Reasons can be read here. Here's reason One and reason Two. Officially, this is Reason Three.
Just as I had never attended Spring Training prior to 2011, Fanfest had also flown off my radar. After the 2011 Padres Fanfest I'm at a loss for why I had never attended. On a beautiful February afternoon . . .
I was stuck in the shade for the better part of the day!
Rick and Beau of RJ's Fro set up a booth in what can only be described as the rough equivalent of their mother's basement: the shaded concourse down the left field line at PETCO Park. Next to the Friarhood, the new Tucson Padres AAA affiliate, and La Poderosa (Flagship station of the San Diego Padres Spanish broadcast), we spent the day talking to Padres fans who were ready for a long and bitter off-season to finally end.
I met great people for the first time; Jordan and Jerrah from Bring Back The Brown; Geoff Young of Ducksnorts. And I continued to reinforce friendships I began during the 2010 season. In many ways this encapsulates what would become a 71-91 2011 season; being with friends and making new ones.
While we held down the fort at the 'Fro booth, a friend named Matt (@matthewverygood on twitter) was gracious enough to grab me a bat from the Padres Garage Sale. I told him to surprise me . . . and surprise me he did (insert Yoda voice). He returned with a bat autographed by the Duke* of Scrapiness, 2000 Padres stalwart Eric Owens. Ironically the only other autographed bat I own is one by Mark Kotsay . . . the guy for whom he was traded** in 2001.
*The King of Scrapiness is David Eckstein. Like you needed to be reminded.
** Matt Clement was also a part of that trade. Remember him? So long ago.
At the end of the day I got myself over to the Garage Sale where I picked up a Mark Merila jersey and a few other cool things. Because life is about the accumulation of stuff, the Garage sale alone is worth attending.
In the end I didn't fully take advantage of what Fanfest had to offer; sun; the on-field experience; the opportunities to mingle with players. But I will do those things at the 2012 Fanfest.
And I will likely add a Darrel Akerfelds jersey to the wardrobe. . .
Just as I had never attended Spring Training prior to 2011, Fanfest had also flown off my radar. After the 2011 Padres Fanfest I'm at a loss for why I had never attended. On a beautiful February afternoon . . .
I was stuck in the shade for the better part of the day!
Rick and Beau of RJ's Fro set up a booth in what can only be described as the rough equivalent of their mother's basement: the shaded concourse down the left field line at PETCO Park. Next to the Friarhood, the new Tucson Padres AAA affiliate, and La Poderosa (Flagship station of the San Diego Padres Spanish broadcast), we spent the day talking to Padres fans who were ready for a long and bitter off-season to finally end.
I met great people for the first time; Jordan and Jerrah from Bring Back The Brown; Geoff Young of Ducksnorts. And I continued to reinforce friendships I began during the 2010 season. In many ways this encapsulates what would become a 71-91 2011 season; being with friends and making new ones.
While we held down the fort at the 'Fro booth, a friend named Matt (@matthewverygood on twitter) was gracious enough to grab me a bat from the Padres Garage Sale. I told him to surprise me . . . and surprise me he did (insert Yoda voice). He returned with a bat autographed by the Duke* of Scrapiness, 2000 Padres stalwart Eric Owens. Ironically the only other autographed bat I own is one by Mark Kotsay . . . the guy for whom he was traded** in 2001.
*The King of Scrapiness is David Eckstein. Like you needed to be reminded.
** Matt Clement was also a part of that trade. Remember him? So long ago.
At the end of the day I got myself over to the Garage Sale where I picked up a Mark Merila jersey and a few other cool things. Because life is about the accumulation of stuff, the Garage sale alone is worth attending.
In the end I didn't fully take advantage of what Fanfest had to offer; sun; the on-field experience; the opportunities to mingle with players. But I will do those things at the 2012 Fanfest.
And I will likely add a Darrel Akerfelds jersey to the wardrobe. . .
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Padres and Cake (part 1): A Failed Marketing Campaign
During the Kevin Towers administration under Sandy Alderson I had a source in the Padres front office. I also had a source during the Jed Hoyer Era. To call them sources would probably be inaccurate. A source is a person with whom a trusting relationship has been cultivated whereas I just happened to know someone with organizational ties who I could bug for a little information.
I'm not a news breaker or anything so I rarely ever wrote about what my sources shared. But now with a change in administration I feel as though Deep Throat has passed away, moving on to a better place.
And so I share the following Padres Marketing plan from 2011 . . .
Buoyed by the mantra "Believe", the 2010 San Diego Padres went on one of the most improbable runs in recent memory. As Padres fans continued to believe throughout the summer the team went into a 10 game swoon in late August and never fully recovered, ultimately losing the NL West in game 162 to eventual World Series winners, the San Francisco Giants. The Padres lost yet somehow fans still Believed. It was a winning slogan.
Moving into the 2011 season the Padres marketing department needed a slogan that could build on both the notion of Belief but also cater to the idea that 2010 was not a fluke and that there was more that needed to be accomplished.
Padres marketing mavens presented the following: 2011 San Diego Padres: Going The Distance
This new concept would borrow from the band Cake's 1996 breakout hit "The Distance".
Inspired by the uncanny resemblance between Cake's John McCrea and Padres closer Heath Bell executives looked to directly incorporate this coincidence into the marketing plans for the 2011 Padres.
The Going The Distance slogan spoke to the concept of redemption, something that could spur fans to carry-over their support from 2010 while simultaneously pulling-in any disenfranchised fans through the use of a catchy pop-rock tune.
There was also the symbolism of 1996 that the marketing team wanted to utilize. With Cake's song from 1996 being played in heavy rotation at the park the Padres could use it as a springboard for recognizing the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion team. While the '84 and '98 teams get regular recognition the '96 team is often forgotten. But in the proper context '96 was a necessary catalyst for the 1998 team's birth which ultimately lead to the construction of PETCO Park. 1996 was finally going to get its proper time in the sun.
Going The Distance would replace Believe as the primary Padres slogan and fans would receive a heavy dose of Cake's song when the Padres took the field in the top of the first and also after wins, replacing Macy Gray's Beauty In The World.
Part of this marketing ploy would also include a concert in the park during the summer of 2011 featuring Cake. During this concert the resemblance of Heath Bell and John McCrea would be played-up when Bell joined McCrea and Cake on stage.
The idea seemed rather brilliant. It was brought to upper management in late 2010.
I understand that it was considered but ultimately rejected at the end of the first week in December of 2010. This date represented the trade of Adrian Gonzalez and what appeared to be a massive overhaul of the overachieving 2010 squad. The Padres would be retooling in 2011 and the promotion of playoff aspirations by a team that would be clearly less than the sum of their parts seemed like a disingenuous message to sell to fans.
There was also the complication of Heath Bell himself. Scheduled to be a free-agent at the end of 2011 the likelihood of him remaining a Padre past the July 31st trade deadline did not seem plausible. Centering a marketing campaign around the resemblance of Bell and McCrea would be catastrophic if Bell were traded at the deadline. This issue was ultimately of less concern as the front office did not project the Padres to compete during the 2011 season and Going The Distance seemed too far fetched of an idea.
The plan was scrapped. The tentative appearance by Cake was cancelled and Dierks Bentley played the August 20th, 2011 concert at the Park in the Park.
The idea was creative. The idea was fun. The idea, in hindsight, was an impossibility. The San Diego Padres as constructed at that time would have been far too big of a gamble for such a marketing scheme. Going The Distance was too ambitious. Or was it?
What do you think?
I'm not a news breaker or anything so I rarely ever wrote about what my sources shared. But now with a change in administration I feel as though Deep Throat has passed away, moving on to a better place.
And so I share the following Padres Marketing plan from 2011 . . .
Buoyed by the mantra "Believe", the 2010 San Diego Padres went on one of the most improbable runs in recent memory. As Padres fans continued to believe throughout the summer the team went into a 10 game swoon in late August and never fully recovered, ultimately losing the NL West in game 162 to eventual World Series winners, the San Francisco Giants. The Padres lost yet somehow fans still Believed. It was a winning slogan.
Moving into the 2011 season the Padres marketing department needed a slogan that could build on both the notion of Belief but also cater to the idea that 2010 was not a fluke and that there was more that needed to be accomplished.
Padres marketing mavens presented the following: 2011 San Diego Padres: Going The Distance
This new concept would borrow from the band Cake's 1996 breakout hit "The Distance".
Inspired by the uncanny resemblance between Cake's John McCrea and Padres closer Heath Bell executives looked to directly incorporate this coincidence into the marketing plans for the 2011 Padres.
There was also the symbolism of 1996 that the marketing team wanted to utilize. With Cake's song from 1996 being played in heavy rotation at the park the Padres could use it as a springboard for recognizing the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion team. While the '84 and '98 teams get regular recognition the '96 team is often forgotten. But in the proper context '96 was a necessary catalyst for the 1998 team's birth which ultimately lead to the construction of PETCO Park. 1996 was finally going to get its proper time in the sun.
Going The Distance would replace Believe as the primary Padres slogan and fans would receive a heavy dose of Cake's song when the Padres took the field in the top of the first and also after wins, replacing Macy Gray's Beauty In The World.
Part of this marketing ploy would also include a concert in the park during the summer of 2011 featuring Cake. During this concert the resemblance of Heath Bell and John McCrea would be played-up when Bell joined McCrea and Cake on stage.
The idea seemed rather brilliant. It was brought to upper management in late 2010.
I understand that it was considered but ultimately rejected at the end of the first week in December of 2010. This date represented the trade of Adrian Gonzalez and what appeared to be a massive overhaul of the overachieving 2010 squad. The Padres would be retooling in 2011 and the promotion of playoff aspirations by a team that would be clearly less than the sum of their parts seemed like a disingenuous message to sell to fans.
There was also the complication of Heath Bell himself. Scheduled to be a free-agent at the end of 2011 the likelihood of him remaining a Padre past the July 31st trade deadline did not seem plausible. Centering a marketing campaign around the resemblance of Bell and McCrea would be catastrophic if Bell were traded at the deadline. This issue was ultimately of less concern as the front office did not project the Padres to compete during the 2011 season and Going The Distance seemed too far fetched of an idea.
The plan was scrapped. The tentative appearance by Cake was cancelled and Dierks Bentley played the August 20th, 2011 concert at the Park in the Park.
The idea was creative. The idea was fun. The idea, in hindsight, was an impossibility. The San Diego Padres as constructed at that time would have been far too big of a gamble for such a marketing scheme. Going The Distance was too ambitious. Or was it?
What do you think?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Deciphering a Jed Hoyer and Darren Smith Conversation
Yesterday Darren Smith invited Jed Hoyer to appear on XX1090 to discuss an array of topics. As I listened to the former Padres GM answer Darren's questions a concurrent dialogue played in my mind. This dialogue consisted of what Jed Hoyer was really thinking as he presented politically correct answers to his interviewer.
Jed's approach, of playing things close to the vest, makes sense. Conveying the wrong ideas can only serve to damage future negotiations.
Fortunately for you, I know what he really meant . . .
The first 4 minutes dealt with Chicago winters versus that of San Diego. This introduction was rife with fascinating psychological undertones, but in the interest of keeping things brief, we'll move it along.
[The Move to Chicago]
"It's a fairly easy transition here with Theo and Jason."
We were on a float yesterday afternoon singing Wayne Newton's version of Danke Schoen. It was sweet. I hate Josh Byrnes.
[The Andrew Cashner for Anthony Rizzo Trade]
"Cashner is a really good young pitcher. We think he has a chance to be a dominant relief pitcher."
Please! I invented the ol', "I'll give you a reliever for an everyday player every day of the week and twice on Sundays" trade last year when we got Cameron Maybin. Did Josh Byrnes learn nothing in his time under me?
"I know Anthony struggled last year in his brief call-up but lots of players have struggled in the beginning of their career."
Just look at Kevin Kouzmanoff. In 2007 the guy hit like .081 over two months before he turned it on and look at where he is now. And . . . Brad Hawpe and Jorge Cantu can eat a bag of d*cks.
"The Padres got a really good player [Cashner] as well."
When Cameron Maybin arrived in San Diego I'm pretty sure I said the same thing about outgoing Ryan Webb. And I just laughed about Edward Mujica. If I was in studio I'd throw the mic down and walk out!
"I kind of blame myself. He [Rizzo] got rushed, um. The plan all along last year was to let him play in triple A all year. Be a September call-up and maybe be ready for the beginning of 2012."
I am the fall guy for Motherfu*king Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu! Seriously, bag of d*cks for those two! And Anthony Rizzo completes me.
"We weren't getting any production out of first base."
You're killing me Darren. I can no longer bear to talk about Motherf*cking Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu. Wait. Should I be thanking those two? They did allow me to pick-up Rizzo at a substantial discount. Hey! Brad and Jorge!
[What did the Padres get in Andrew Cashner?]
"They got a great arm. He's got a great pitcher's frame. He's got a great arm. I think the debate around him surrounds what role."
If I say that he's got a great arm one more time, San Diego will be on to me. Play it cool, Jed. Play it cool. Popsicle. Popsicle. Now change the subject.
"The determination here was that he's probably a dominant late inning reliever."
He's like a rich man's Edward Mujica. Or a poor man's Mike Adams. Stop it , Jed. Play it cool. You're f*cking Fonzie. Be cool.
"There was obviously some question marks about his ability to start."
Did I say question marks? I meant exclamation points! God it's cold in Chicago.
[Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins]
"Sending Carlos Zambrano to Miami was something we thought was the right thing to do."
I dupe the franchise stationed in Miami. It's. What. I. Do. I need a mic, cuz I gots to throw it down! Lake Michigan has a beach. That people actually go to. Just not now. Weird.
"He's just apologized to his teammates one too many times. He'd worn out his welcome."
Carlos Zambrano is a fat idiot. Relatively speaking, Mexican food in Chicago is substandard. I miss long walks to Lolita's taco shop.
[On the Padres off-season]
"Mat Latos is immensely talented and it's hard to give up a guy with four years of control like that."
I Look forward to him throwing a ball through the sunroof of my car. Wait do I even need a car? Chicago has great public transportation. Josh Byrnes has my old office; dick.
"Candidly I was a little bit jealous when they acquired Quentin because I think there was a little extra money in the budget that I didn't have when I was there."
Josh Byrnes. Dick! Jeff Moorad. Cheapskate! I'd complain about Ryan Ludwick but who cares? Who's the GM of the Cubs now? I got my dream job. Theo completes me. Deep dish pizza puzzles me. It's heavy. I'm not ready to go back to Gino's East.
[On Broncos versus Patriots this weekend]
"Tell Marty I'll take a picture of myself Tebowing in Wrigley Field if the Patriots don't win that game."
This is Chicago where a World Series hasn't been won by the Cubs since 1908. We don't believe in God here. Patriots in a blowout!
Jed's approach, of playing things close to the vest, makes sense. Conveying the wrong ideas can only serve to damage future negotiations.
Fortunately for you, I know what he really meant . . .
The first 4 minutes dealt with Chicago winters versus that of San Diego. This introduction was rife with fascinating psychological undertones, but in the interest of keeping things brief, we'll move it along.
[The Move to Chicago]
"It's a fairly easy transition here with Theo and Jason."
We were on a float yesterday afternoon singing Wayne Newton's version of Danke Schoen. It was sweet. I hate Josh Byrnes.
[The Andrew Cashner for Anthony Rizzo Trade]
"Cashner is a really good young pitcher. We think he has a chance to be a dominant relief pitcher."
Please! I invented the ol', "I'll give you a reliever for an everyday player every day of the week and twice on Sundays" trade last year when we got Cameron Maybin. Did Josh Byrnes learn nothing in his time under me?
"I know Anthony struggled last year in his brief call-up but lots of players have struggled in the beginning of their career."
Just look at Kevin Kouzmanoff. In 2007 the guy hit like .081 over two months before he turned it on and look at where he is now. And . . . Brad Hawpe and Jorge Cantu can eat a bag of d*cks.
"The Padres got a really good player [Cashner] as well."
When Cameron Maybin arrived in San Diego I'm pretty sure I said the same thing about outgoing Ryan Webb. And I just laughed about Edward Mujica. If I was in studio I'd throw the mic down and walk out!
"I kind of blame myself. He [Rizzo] got rushed, um. The plan all along last year was to let him play in triple A all year. Be a September call-up and maybe be ready for the beginning of 2012."
I am the fall guy for Motherfu*king Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu! Seriously, bag of d*cks for those two! And Anthony Rizzo completes me.
"We weren't getting any production out of first base."
You're killing me Darren. I can no longer bear to talk about Motherf*cking Brad Hawpe! G*d DAMN Jorge Cantu. Wait. Should I be thanking those two? They did allow me to pick-up Rizzo at a substantial discount. Hey! Brad and Jorge!
[What did the Padres get in Andrew Cashner?]
"They got a great arm. He's got a great pitcher's frame. He's got a great arm. I think the debate around him surrounds what role."
If I say that he's got a great arm one more time, San Diego will be on to me. Play it cool, Jed. Play it cool. Popsicle. Popsicle. Now change the subject.
"The determination here was that he's probably a dominant late inning reliever."
He's like a rich man's Edward Mujica. Or a poor man's Mike Adams. Stop it , Jed. Play it cool. You're f*cking Fonzie. Be cool.
"There was obviously some question marks about his ability to start."
Did I say question marks? I meant exclamation points! God it's cold in Chicago.
[Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins]
"Sending Carlos Zambrano to Miami was something we thought was the right thing to do."
I dupe the franchise stationed in Miami. It's. What. I. Do. I need a mic, cuz I gots to throw it down! Lake Michigan has a beach. That people actually go to. Just not now. Weird.
"He's just apologized to his teammates one too many times. He'd worn out his welcome."
Carlos Zambrano is a fat idiot. Relatively speaking, Mexican food in Chicago is substandard. I miss long walks to Lolita's taco shop.
[On the Padres off-season]
"Mat Latos is immensely talented and it's hard to give up a guy with four years of control like that."
I Look forward to him throwing a ball through the sunroof of my car. Wait do I even need a car? Chicago has great public transportation. Josh Byrnes has my old office; dick.
"Candidly I was a little bit jealous when they acquired Quentin because I think there was a little extra money in the budget that I didn't have when I was there."
Josh Byrnes. Dick! Jeff Moorad. Cheapskate! I'd complain about Ryan Ludwick but who cares? Who's the GM of the Cubs now? I got my dream job. Theo completes me. Deep dish pizza puzzles me. It's heavy. I'm not ready to go back to Gino's East.
[On Broncos versus Patriots this weekend]
"Tell Marty I'll take a picture of myself Tebowing in Wrigley Field if the Patriots don't win that game."
This is Chicago where a World Series hasn't been won by the Cubs since 1908. We don't believe in God here. Patriots in a blowout!
19 Reasons: Let's talk about #balls
Right before the start of the 2011 season San Diego Padres pitcher Mat Latos signed three baseballs, to be auctioned off for charity. He signed them, "I Hate SF!"
It. Was. Awesome! Then San Francisco Giants fans completely melted down over the whole affair and it became even more awesome. 'Twas our own personal nirvana.
The #balls affair was an epic prelude to a season which, unfortunately, failed to deliver. Mat Latos missed the opening series against San Francisco and a lifetime passed before his spot in the rotation matched up with the Giants. By the time a showdown did occur reality had set in. The 2011 Padres were not a good team and any illusions of contending for the division had long since passed. But boy did the #balls episode kick things off right.
RJ's Fro made t-shirts to commemorate the dust-up, emblazoned with what had become the rallying cry of Padres fans on twitter: #balls. One simple word that continued to pop up through out the season. But what made #balls so great was that it brought fans together -- Padres fans still suffering from a bitter 2010 late-season collapse to the Giants. Amazingly, #balls became the catharsis I needed as a fan of the Padres.
I also loved that the cute little Padres who never make headlines suddenly had a player that others hated. Not just because he spoke his mind but because he was really good. And could make you look stupid with bat in hand.
Little pissing contests, like the "I Hate SF" #balls story, help to build great rivalries. The Padres and the NL West will miss Mat Latos. Though it pains me to say it, I'll miss former Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez, and all the crap he talked. I loved hating that guy. And I'll venture a guess that Giants fans might say the same about Mat Latos.
I'll miss the guy too. I always felt like something big might happen each time he took the hill. Best of luck to him in Cincinnati where I hope he wastes no time signing a few baseballs, "I Hate St.L!"
This all begs the question: With Mat Latos gone have our #balls gone with him?
I'd like to think that the spirit of #balls will continue. An us-against-them type of irreverence that is essential for teams like the Padres who attempt to do battle on very uneven terrain. For success in such a rough and tumble world one needs #balls.
#balls
It. Was. Awesome! Then San Francisco Giants fans completely melted down over the whole affair and it became even more awesome. 'Twas our own personal nirvana.
The #balls affair was an epic prelude to a season which, unfortunately, failed to deliver. Mat Latos missed the opening series against San Francisco and a lifetime passed before his spot in the rotation matched up with the Giants. By the time a showdown did occur reality had set in. The 2011 Padres were not a good team and any illusions of contending for the division had long since passed. But boy did the #balls episode kick things off right.
I also loved that the cute little Padres who never make headlines suddenly had a player that others hated. Not just because he spoke his mind but because he was really good. And could make you look stupid with bat in hand.
Little pissing contests, like the "I Hate SF" #balls story, help to build great rivalries. The Padres and the NL West will miss Mat Latos. Though it pains me to say it, I'll miss former Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez, and all the crap he talked. I loved hating that guy. And I'll venture a guess that Giants fans might say the same about Mat Latos.
I'll miss the guy too. I always felt like something big might happen each time he took the hill. Best of luck to him in Cincinnati where I hope he wastes no time signing a few baseballs, "I Hate St.L!"
This all begs the question: With Mat Latos gone have our #balls gone with him?
I'd like to think that the spirit of #balls will continue. An us-against-them type of irreverence that is essential for teams like the Padres who attempt to do battle on very uneven terrain. For success in such a rough and tumble world one needs #balls.
#balls
Padres and Pints: An Rj's Fro and AJM Joint
The proprietor of weird ideas here at AJM and the fellas over at RJ's Fro have teamed up to bring, what can only be described as, the best of both worlds. Our worlds of baseball and beer are now colliding.
Craft brewing is thriving in San Diego. In fact, it's one of the few things San Diego is doing well at all right now. What better way to celebrate this success than to pair it with one of our favorite things: the Padres.
On a semi-regular-ish basis the 'Fro and I will choose someone (first guest -- Geoff Young of Ducksnorts and Baseball Prospectus) and we will meet-up somewhere (first stop -- Ballast Point Brewing). I don't think I could have described that any better. Check out a preview . . .
Craft brewing is thriving in San Diego. In fact, it's one of the few things San Diego is doing well at all right now. What better way to celebrate this success than to pair it with one of our favorite things: the Padres.
On a semi-regular-ish basis the 'Fro and I will choose someone (first guest -- Geoff Young of Ducksnorts and Baseball Prospectus) and we will meet-up somewhere (first stop -- Ballast Point Brewing). I don't think I could have described that any better. Check out a preview . . .
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Part 2: Andrew Cashner and A Trip In The Way-Back Machine
Your dis-ease has returned and you can no longer bear another minute in a period with such darkness. It is now official; February 24th, 2009 is dead to you and you want out. Fortunately I can help.
I shall whisk you away from the flotsam and jetsam of early aught-nine and deposit you in the year 2010. The date is February 23rd.
Most of the nation is consumed with the release of Nurse Jackie: Season 1 on Blue Ray and the Groove Armada's newest album, but not you . . .
Baseball America has just published their 2010 Prospect Handbook. You liked what Jim Callis had to say in 2009 but your senses are slowly returning and you know that Prospects rarely remain static. They're either growing or dying. Your curiosity has gotten the better of you.
Andrew Cashner, as of February 23rd, 2010, is no longer the third rated prospect in the Cubs system. He has plummeted to . . . 4th.
At first you believe this to be a net loss for the prospect but then you see who has hopped in front of him. There's the youngster, Starlin Castro, who has vaulted to 1st and a ridiculously good looking outfielder out of Cal-Berkeley named Brett Jackson who has assumed the 2nd spot on the list*.
*Former #1 Josh Vitters is now the 3rd rated prospect in the Cubs system.
You know their names as they are familiar in a time we refer to as the present. Castro is the Cubs starting shortstop and Jackson is the guy who every mope on the street clamors for when trades concerning Chicago are discussed. You think about it and determine that perhaps this particular slot for Cashner is not so bad. But you need more . . .
It's a calendar year later. What doe Jim Callis have to say on this go-around? You hear more of the same. Cashner's TCU lineage, a signing bonus, his pitcher's frame, and his proclivity for cooking his own unique style of Texas BBQ*, all make for repeat reading material in 2010 as well.
*The Way-Back machine often messes with interpretations of data. This is likely a false assumption based on Cashner's alma mater.
It is then that Callis starts working your mind, putting on the hard sell. He writes:
So you kick up your feet and try to figure out how Jackie will juggle the trials of a nursing career and the tribulations of her own challenging personal life. Life is once again, good.
I shall whisk you away from the flotsam and jetsam of early aught-nine and deposit you in the year 2010. The date is February 23rd.
Most of the nation is consumed with the release of Nurse Jackie: Season 1 on Blue Ray and the Groove Armada's newest album, but not you . . .
Baseball America has just published their 2010 Prospect Handbook. You liked what Jim Callis had to say in 2009 but your senses are slowly returning and you know that Prospects rarely remain static. They're either growing or dying. Your curiosity has gotten the better of you.
Andrew Cashner, as of February 23rd, 2010, is no longer the third rated prospect in the Cubs system. He has plummeted to . . . 4th.
At first you believe this to be a net loss for the prospect but then you see who has hopped in front of him. There's the youngster, Starlin Castro, who has vaulted to 1st and a ridiculously good looking outfielder out of Cal-Berkeley named Brett Jackson who has assumed the 2nd spot on the list*.
*Former #1 Josh Vitters is now the 3rd rated prospect in the Cubs system.
You know their names as they are familiar in a time we refer to as the present. Castro is the Cubs starting shortstop and Jackson is the guy who every mope on the street clamors for when trades concerning Chicago are discussed. You think about it and determine that perhaps this particular slot for Cashner is not so bad. But you need more . . .
It's a calendar year later. What doe Jim Callis have to say on this go-around? You hear more of the same. Cashner's TCU lineage, a signing bonus, his pitcher's frame, and his proclivity for cooking his own unique style of Texas BBQ*, all make for repeat reading material in 2010 as well.
*The Way-Back machine often messes with interpretations of data. This is likely a false assumption based on Cashner's alma mater.
It is then that Callis starts working your mind, putting on the hard sell. He writes:
With his frame and power stuff, Cashner is reminiscent of Kerry Wood. His fastball sits at 92-95 mph and touches 98 when he starts, and he has operated in the upper 90s as a reliever.You are so excited by this comparison that you temporarily forget about the eventual injury patterns that emerge with Wood. The Wood comparison also derails you to the point where you can't even make sense of the words that follow:
His delivery is soundYou only read the positives out of the scouting buzz-words and you continue on your search for items that will help you reconcile why the Padres traded away Anthony Rizzo:butnotfluid,and he often battlescommand
Whether he's a frontline starter or a closer, Cashner should be a big part of Chicago's future.But it's not Chicago's future. It's San Diego's future! Relief overcomes you. Wasn't 2010 what you were looking for all along?
So you kick up your feet and try to figure out how Jackie will juggle the trials of a nursing career and the tribulations of her own challenging personal life. Life is once again, good.
Where Joe Posnanski Mentions Tony Gwynn
I came across* an extremely long post by Joe Posnanski yesterday, called A Long Hall of Fame Review. A curiously long post as Joe might say. It was so long I still haven't finished it. But the gist was Hall of Fame voting . . .
Pos went back and examined every Hall of Fame vote since 1966. He was basically trying to find a predictor for Jack Morris and whether he was likely to make it into the HOF based on the high percentage of votes he received this year (66.7%) and will need next year (75% for entrance).
He does this cool exercise where he creates all star teams from guys who only survived on the ballot for one year and another team for guys who were on for a couple years. And he argues that these teams would actually destroy teams comprised of the lowest tiered players who did make it into the Hall of Fame.
It was very cool. I only stopped because I came upon this gem:
In a sad way it often feels like Tony Gwynn is the only thing a Padre fan can really hang their hat. And somehow, because it is Tony, I'm perfectly fine with that distinction.
*(h/t Hardball Talk)
Pos went back and examined every Hall of Fame vote since 1966. He was basically trying to find a predictor for Jack Morris and whether he was likely to make it into the HOF based on the high percentage of votes he received this year (66.7%) and will need next year (75% for entrance).
He does this cool exercise where he creates all star teams from guys who only survived on the ballot for one year and another team for guys who were on for a couple years. And he argues that these teams would actually destroy teams comprised of the lowest tiered players who did make it into the Hall of Fame.
It was very cool. I only stopped because I came upon this gem:
One thing I have come to believe is that unless a player is a slam-dunk choice like Frank Robinson or Tony Gwynn, the rest of the ballot matters a lot. I don’t think that a player has to be the best choice on the ballot. But I do think that he has to be the best choice IN HIS CATEGORY on the ballot.In a time where so much talk centers around who is really a Hall of Famer, do they pass the eyeball test or what is it that their statistics really say about them, it is warming to the soul to see that the Sports Writer of The Year acknowledges Tony Gwynn as a slam dunk choice as a HOFer. And perhaps it is equally gratifying to see Tony, as a singles hitter, mentioned in the same sentence as a slugger like Frank Robinson.
In a sad way it often feels like Tony Gwynn is the only thing a Padre fan can really hang their hat. And somehow, because it is Tony, I'm perfectly fine with that distinction.
*(h/t Hardball Talk)
19 Reasons: A Trip To Peoria For Spring Training
I mentioned on Monday that, even though the Padres finished a miserable 71-91, there were still 19 reasons the 2011 Padres season provided something great for fans.
I'm not ready to say that the whole was greater than the sum of these 19 parts because that would indicate insanity. Which I am not (hopefully). And that I don't care about winning. Which I do (most certainly). There were moments, though. And for me they were memorable.
One
I shall begin with Spring Training. Is that cheating? On account of people currently counting down the days until Pitchers and Catchers report, I would say that technically Spring Training marks day 1 of the season. And so this is where it all began . . .
This last season marked my first trip to spring training. Ever. I've done a fair number of sport trips but a visit to Arizona in February or March had eluded me. The trip was worth it . . .
Press Box Credentials
Befriending Rick and Beau from RJ's Fro led to this privileged experience. It was difficult to watch the Padres' first game of the year and not cheer while sitting in press row so I did the next best thing; I fired off 76 tweets during the game. I have no idea how to access these ancient aphorisms but I assure you they exist. It made for a fun filled day of comedy as we watched game 1 of 2011.
***
Game one was against the Mariners and the massive Japanese press corps was there for Ichiro's first hacks of spring. It was awesome. Ichiro is like the Beatles. If not the entire quartet at least Paul or John*.
*I'm a George Harrison guy.
***
I got to meet Dan Hayes of the North County Times and Corey Brock of MLB.com. Cool guys, both of 'em.
***
Rick and Beau duped me into thinking the food was free for those in the Press Box. So I started filling up the plate. I had committed to too much food on the plate when we found out there would be a cost. Rick and Beau bolted and I continued heaping food on to the plate. Up next to me walks the bronzed Ted Leitner. He looks at the tray of chicken and says, like only Ted can, "That is one sorry looking chicken!" Ted's crazy. That chicken was pretty good.
***
The Mariners, a truly detested rival, won the game 13-12 in extra innings on a walk-off single by former Padre Josh Bard. Brad Brach blew the save in the 9th when he gave up a 2-run bomb. Logan Forsythe, James Darnell, and Nick Hundley each homered.
Seeing the young guys, who I had only previously read short blurbs about in prospect guides, perform well was a neat experience. Seeing Darnell and Forsythe gave the feeling that I had just discovered a great band who few knew about. We'll see if they're still making music in 2012.
***
We saw Jake Peavy, John Danks, and Mat Latos in a bar. I'm older than those guys now so that's kind of weird. I got more enjoyment out of seeing Darren Balsley, Randy Ready, and this girl wearing a brown and gold Ramones t-shirt*.
*The best of both worlds colliding.
***
Rick was the victim of a Will Venable f-bomb tirade and since I was standing with him it pretty much made me a victim as well. That was weird in a fun kind of way. Who knew that exchange would be the fuel for all my writing in July of 2011?
***
Jerry Colman walked in front of me. Right in front of me. Jerry Coleman!
***
Bought a few cool items on sale from the previous spring training (yellow hat, brown t-shirt).
***
I rapped with Jane Mitchell and bought her book One on One: My Journey With Hall Of Famers, Fan Favorites, And Rising Stars.
***
I also witnessed a weird event. I cannot speak to what this event was. But I will only say that without going to Spring Training seeing an event as odd as this one is nearly impossible. This is all I will say on the matter.
Spring Training 2011 was a neat experience and it set the foundation for what would be a fun year despite the losing.
I'm not ready to say that the whole was greater than the sum of these 19 parts because that would indicate insanity. Which I am not (hopefully). And that I don't care about winning. Which I do (most certainly). There were moments, though. And for me they were memorable.
One
I shall begin with Spring Training. Is that cheating? On account of people currently counting down the days until Pitchers and Catchers report, I would say that technically Spring Training marks day 1 of the season. And so this is where it all began . . .
This last season marked my first trip to spring training. Ever. I've done a fair number of sport trips but a visit to Arizona in February or March had eluded me. The trip was worth it . . .
Press Box Credentials
Befriending Rick and Beau from RJ's Fro led to this privileged experience. It was difficult to watch the Padres' first game of the year and not cheer while sitting in press row so I did the next best thing; I fired off 76 tweets during the game. I have no idea how to access these ancient aphorisms but I assure you they exist. It made for a fun filled day of comedy as we watched game 1 of 2011.
***
Game one was against the Mariners and the massive Japanese press corps was there for Ichiro's first hacks of spring. It was awesome. Ichiro is like the Beatles. If not the entire quartet at least Paul or John*.
*I'm a George Harrison guy.
***
I got to meet Dan Hayes of the North County Times and Corey Brock of MLB.com. Cool guys, both of 'em.
***
Rick and Beau duped me into thinking the food was free for those in the Press Box. So I started filling up the plate. I had committed to too much food on the plate when we found out there would be a cost. Rick and Beau bolted and I continued heaping food on to the plate. Up next to me walks the bronzed Ted Leitner. He looks at the tray of chicken and says, like only Ted can, "That is one sorry looking chicken!" Ted's crazy. That chicken was pretty good.
***
The Mariners, a truly detested rival, won the game 13-12 in extra innings on a walk-off single by former Padre Josh Bard. Brad Brach blew the save in the 9th when he gave up a 2-run bomb. Logan Forsythe, James Darnell, and Nick Hundley each homered.
Seeing the young guys, who I had only previously read short blurbs about in prospect guides, perform well was a neat experience. Seeing Darnell and Forsythe gave the feeling that I had just discovered a great band who few knew about. We'll see if they're still making music in 2012.
***
We saw Jake Peavy, John Danks, and Mat Latos in a bar. I'm older than those guys now so that's kind of weird. I got more enjoyment out of seeing Darren Balsley, Randy Ready, and this girl wearing a brown and gold Ramones t-shirt*.
*The best of both worlds colliding.
***
Rick was the victim of a Will Venable f-bomb tirade and since I was standing with him it pretty much made me a victim as well. That was weird in a fun kind of way. Who knew that exchange would be the fuel for all my writing in July of 2011?
***
Jerry Colman walked in front of me. Right in front of me. Jerry Coleman!
***
Bought a few cool items on sale from the previous spring training (yellow hat, brown t-shirt).
***
I rapped with Jane Mitchell and bought her book One on One: My Journey With Hall Of Famers, Fan Favorites, And Rising Stars.
***
I also witnessed a weird event. I cannot speak to what this event was. But I will only say that without going to Spring Training seeing an event as odd as this one is nearly impossible. This is all I will say on the matter.
Spring Training 2011 was a neat experience and it set the foundation for what would be a fun year despite the losing.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Moores and Moorad: Good Riddance To Alliteration
The following excerpts were taken from Padres: Team sale to Moorad nearly complete by Dan Hayes of the North County Times on Monday:
Jeff Moorad's purchase of the Padres from John Moores is nearly complete.
Andrew Cashner: A Trip In The Way-Back Machine
You need to feel better and I am here to help the cause. I'm fine. But it's you that requires comfort.
You are uneasy. Your dis-ease stems from the Padres decision to trade Anthony Rizzo, one of the system's top prospects for what amounts to a late inning reliever with shoulder issues and a light hitting elf from South Korea.
You are hurting and in need of reassurance. Fortunately for you, I can help. Climb aboard and take a little ride in my Baseball America 2009 Prospect Handbook . . .
It's February 24th, 2009. President Obama, focusing on the economy, has just addressed a joint session of Congress and Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail is number 1 at the box-office. This day in history could have killed lesser people but not us -- Baseball America has just released their 2009 Prospect Handbook. It was costly, no doubt. But three years later it's still here providing us with much needed reassurance.
I direct you to page 83 where you find a former Tight End from the University of Notre Dame named Jeff Samardzia. He is the number 2 prospect in the Chicago Cubs system. You are mesmerized by his mullet and horribly distracted by the spelling of his surname but you are not deterred. Your eyes drift one slot south where you find a write-up by BA's Jim Callis. The player -- number 3 prospect Andrew Cashner.
Callis describes to you everything you wish to hear. How Cashner regularly hit 96-98 mph at Texas Christian University, pairing it with an electric curveball. And he has a change-up. His North Side employers believe in this third pitch, so much so, that their heights are set on a spot in the rotation for young Andrew Cashner.
Then Callis gives you your Holy Grail:
You are ecstatic.
Suddenly the Anthony Rizzo/Zach Cates for Andrew Cashner/ Light Hitting Elf from South Korea doesn't sound bad at all.
You forget about the slight strain Cashner suffered in his shoulder last year and February 24th, 2009 becomes your accepted reality. You decide to stay*.
Doesn't it all feel better now?
* As you wait in line at the cinema you find that "Madea Goes to Jail" has sold out. Disappointed, you think about returning home but it is President Obama's economic address that begins to resonate with your inner-American. You purchase tickets to "He's Just Not That Into You". It was a good day.
You are uneasy. Your dis-ease stems from the Padres decision to trade Anthony Rizzo, one of the system's top prospects for what amounts to a late inning reliever with shoulder issues and a light hitting elf from South Korea.
You are hurting and in need of reassurance. Fortunately for you, I can help. Climb aboard and take a little ride in my Baseball America 2009 Prospect Handbook . . .
It's February 24th, 2009. President Obama, focusing on the economy, has just addressed a joint session of Congress and Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail is number 1 at the box-office. This day in history could have killed lesser people but not us -- Baseball America has just released their 2009 Prospect Handbook. It was costly, no doubt. But three years later it's still here providing us with much needed reassurance.
I direct you to page 83 where you find a former Tight End from the University of Notre Dame named Jeff Samardzia. He is the number 2 prospect in the Chicago Cubs system. You are mesmerized by his mullet and horribly distracted by the spelling of his surname but you are not deterred. Your eyes drift one slot south where you find a write-up by BA's Jim Callis. The player -- number 3 prospect Andrew Cashner.
Callis describes to you everything you wish to hear. How Cashner regularly hit 96-98 mph at Texas Christian University, pairing it with an electric curveball. And he has a change-up. His North Side employers believe in this third pitch, so much so, that their heights are set on a spot in the rotation for young Andrew Cashner.
Then Callis gives you your Holy Grail:
Cashner has the raw ability to pitch in the front half of a big league rotation . . .You quickly do the computation in your head, knowing that this is not Japan but instead Major League Baseball where a 5 man rotation is in use. Your math tells you that the front half equals -- a #1 or a #2!
You are ecstatic.
Suddenly the Anthony Rizzo/Zach Cates for Andrew Cashner/ Light Hitting Elf from South Korea doesn't sound bad at all.
You forget about the slight strain Cashner suffered in his shoulder last year and February 24th, 2009 becomes your accepted reality. You decide to stay*.
Doesn't it all feel better now?
* As you wait in line at the cinema you find that "Madea Goes to Jail" has sold out. Disappointed, you think about returning home but it is President Obama's economic address that begins to resonate with your inner-American. You purchase tickets to "He's Just Not That Into You". It was a good day.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Plunger, Quentin, Cashner, Parallel
Random thoughts raced through my mind as I plunged a toilet at 11:30 pm a few nights back. They began with the acquisition of Carlos Quentin, made their way to the Anthony Rizzo for Andrew Cashner trade, and returned full circle to where they belonged: the plunger in my hand.
After one plunges a toilet what is one supposed to do with this dripping wet, filth covered tool of liberation?
You can't just leave it in the toilet bowl; that would be dangerous. But if you place it next to the toilet you get sewage all over the floor. If you try to transport it to the shower you drip sewage on the floor. If you're lucky enough not to drip sewage on the floor it doesn't really matter because you've just deposited an excrement laden instrument into the area used for cleaning your body. This does not sound like a model of cleanliness.
As I stood in the bathroom during the late hours, finishing the plunging job at hand, this is where my thoughts drifted; What in the world do I do with this?
And then I realized this dilemma wasn't really about the plunger. It was about Carlos Quentin and Andrew Cashner. My question was really for Josh Byrnes and Padres management; What in the world do I do with this?
What do I do with this information you have provided me with? You've made trades. But I'm at a bit of a loss. You gave up arms to get a guy who plays left field, in Carlos Quentin*. But you went and got him a year before a good number of the young guys will be arriving in San Diego from the various farm affiliates. Are you going to try and extend Carlos Quentin? What do I do with this?
*Now let me be upfront. I am in no way equating Carlos Quentin with crap. I think he will perform well in PETCO Park his season and I loved what I heard from him on the Darren Smith Show last week. He sounds like the type of guy with a mental approach that can tackle the difficulties of such a large park. Now that we're clear, let's get back to that plunger and my parallel thoughts . . .
Andrew Cashner for Anthony Rizzo. A bullpen arm for one of the top prospects in the Padres system. How can I still possibly make fun of the Marlins for trading Cameron Maybin to the Padres for Edward Mujica and Ryan Webb? My laughter was predicated on the notion that relievers for position players was dumb. What do I do with this?
I've enjoyed this off season, it's been exciting. But there's a lot to digest and I keep asking myself . . . what do I do with this*?
*Any suggestions on what to do with the plunger?
After one plunges a toilet what is one supposed to do with this dripping wet, filth covered tool of liberation?
You can't just leave it in the toilet bowl; that would be dangerous. But if you place it next to the toilet you get sewage all over the floor. If you try to transport it to the shower you drip sewage on the floor. If you're lucky enough not to drip sewage on the floor it doesn't really matter because you've just deposited an excrement laden instrument into the area used for cleaning your body. This does not sound like a model of cleanliness.
As I stood in the bathroom during the late hours, finishing the plunging job at hand, this is where my thoughts drifted; What in the world do I do with this?
And then I realized this dilemma wasn't really about the plunger. It was about Carlos Quentin and Andrew Cashner. My question was really for Josh Byrnes and Padres management; What in the world do I do with this?
What do I do with this information you have provided me with? You've made trades. But I'm at a bit of a loss. You gave up arms to get a guy who plays left field, in Carlos Quentin*. But you went and got him a year before a good number of the young guys will be arriving in San Diego from the various farm affiliates. Are you going to try and extend Carlos Quentin? What do I do with this?
*Now let me be upfront. I am in no way equating Carlos Quentin with crap. I think he will perform well in PETCO Park his season and I loved what I heard from him on the Darren Smith Show last week. He sounds like the type of guy with a mental approach that can tackle the difficulties of such a large park. Now that we're clear, let's get back to that plunger and my parallel thoughts . . .
Andrew Cashner for Anthony Rizzo. A bullpen arm for one of the top prospects in the Padres system. How can I still possibly make fun of the Marlins for trading Cameron Maybin to the Padres for Edward Mujica and Ryan Webb? My laughter was predicated on the notion that relievers for position players was dumb. What do I do with this?
I've enjoyed this off season, it's been exciting. But there's a lot to digest and I keep asking myself . . . what do I do with this*?
*Any suggestions on what to do with the plunger?
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