The Padres and Cake (part 2): A Commode Story

"Now the things you gotta remember are the details. It's the details that sell your story."
~ Reservoir Dogs (1992)

From the mind of Quentin Tarantino came the above piece of dialogue. Created for a character named Detective Holdaway of the L.A.P.D, the line was spoken to fellow detective Freddy Newandyke. Viewers of the critically acclaimed film came to know Freddy as . . . Mr. Orange.

To do undercover work Freddy needed a story to recite if ever interrogated by a criminal element. A story so detailed, there would be little doubt he was part of a world of crime. A story that would keep him alive. A Commode Story was born.

Holdaway gave the future Mr. Orange a script for an amusing story that happened while working a job. He told him to commit the structure of the story to memory and fill in the gaps with color. Convincing color. The finished anecdote described a run-in with four L.A. Sheriffs in a filthy airport restroom. The precision of the Commode story allowed Freddy to work for Joe Cabot during a Jewelry heist . . . as Mr. Orange.

When I wrote The Padres and Cake: A failed Marketing Campaign it would be best described as a derivative of the above Reservoir Dogs scene. This is to say that it was extremely detailed and wholly untrue.

From the new slogan (Going The Distance) and a concert by Cake at the Park in the Park honoring the 15 year anniversary of the 1996 NL West Champion Padres, all were part of an apocryphal tale.

People simply read the post. Some voted in the poll about whether the idea was good, however the veracity of my claim was never questioned.This could probably be attributed to the painstaking detail, my own personal Commode Story. That and Heath Bell looks a lot Cake's John McCrea.

The details were paramount but I knew I needed more. Before I hit Publish Post I stood up, looked in the mirror and had a moment. A moment with myself. And I said, "You're fuckin' Beretta. They believe every fuckin' word. Cuz you're super cool."

I am sorry to have deceived you. But I was not without reason . . .